The Omnipotent Poobah Speaks!

The Energizer Economicizer held forth this week on the state of the economy. As usual, it was a sunny performance worthy of the Crawford High School production of Annie. It didn’t matter that Fed Chairman, Ben Bernacke, simultaneously disputed almost every point during his testimony before Congress. When the Big Dog sings, everything - including the economy and the sun - rises as he commands. And when it doesn’t, he simply pretends otherwise and returns to his comfy space pod from Rigel 12.

In one of his less lucid moments he claimed the free-market is forcefully pulling the Gas Price Sasquatch back in line. I’m not sure how he sees our current national pickle as a shining beacon of capitalistic triumph, but I don’t see how he comes to most of his other observations either.

Go figure.

According to Daddy Warbucks, the economy is just hunky dory, thank you very much. He thinks sky-high prices will cut demand for oil and will, in turn, drive prices down. He has a point about demand, but the idea that prices will eventually follow is longer than an Al Qaeda sniper’s shot. I certainly haven’t seen oil companies drafting plans to lower earnings estimates, stop dividends, and scale back CEO pay.

Racing Stretch Abrahms Tanks Through the Streets of Washington
He has the hare-brained notion that lowered demand deflates all rubber dingies equally. He sees a market that adjusts based on people like him - people who can afford to pay $100 a gallon to drag race their stretch Abrams tanks through the streets of Washington if they want. He doesn’t seem to realize those being squeezed most are the ones who can afford it least. For them, it’s gas at $4.59 per gallon or skipping inconsequential expenses like food, rent, and clothing.

YEEHAAAA! Ain’t that a demonstration of compassionate conservatism for ya!

(more…)

It’s been a long time since my last anger-filled screed. This unexpected development isn’t because there are no more topics worthy of long and vicious screeds, it’s because I’m feeling a little like a ripple wimpily expending itself on the placid shores of a pond. It’s hard to get all worked up when the crapstorms fly at you faster than a thick swarm of killer bees stinging the ass of a nudist. So, it’s time to apply a little WD-40 to the snarky joints and get back in the swing of things.

Be kind, I’m rusty.

• Not everything that happens to Barak Obama is about racism.
• Not everything that happens to John McCain is about being a war hero.
• Not everything that happens to Hillary Clinton is about sexism.
• “Experience” has little to do with all three.
• “Experience” has even less to do with Emperor Asshat’s crapulent performance either.
• That goes for Asshat 41 AND DOUBLE for Asshat 43.

• George Bush doesn’t hate black people.
• He hates anyone other than himself.
• Dick Cheney hates everyone.
• Even himself.
• And he’ll shoot you in the goddamn face to prove it.

• Brownie didn’t do a heckuva job.
• Neither did Hurricane George.
• He still hasn’t.

(more…)

People used to wonder where the tipping point was for gasoline. Unleashing my massive intellect, I’ve calculated it’s approximately $4 per gallon. Four bucks is the point at which people stop driving, airlines start charging extra to lose your luggage, and Hummers lumber uneconomically into that long oil-soaked night.

It just so happens that gas started to cost a bit more per gallon than milk in the middle of a Presidential campaign. The price of this Nectar of the Exxons^TM is the perfect wedge issue. We can all argue over various lop-sided tax schemes, how much we should invest in alternative energy, and how many holes we’re going to poke into Mother Earth in a vain attempt to find more Texas Tea.

BTW, I’d guess we’ll stop drilling as soon as we begin to suck up magma from the Earth’s core.

It’s the Trust Stupid
Don’t get me wrong, these are legitimate debates, even if the time to have them was 30 years ago. Unfortunately, much gets lost in the bloviating about how the next president will save us all from ourselves. But despite all the talk about technology and drilling and taxing, the one thing we need above all others is the one thing we’re least likely to get…trust.

The technology already exists to make drilling reasonably reliable and safe. The same is true for nookular power. The problem isn’t technology. The problem is that we can’t trust a “free” market to operate it safely.

For example, the Exxon Valdez disaster wasn’t about technology, it was about Exxon allowing a drunk to captain a single-hulled tanker into an environmentally sensitive place. Exxon whining about their culpability is squirmy bunk. Had they maintained a robust monitoring program for their captains there would’ve been no need to cry over spilt oil. If the cheap bastards had used double-hulled tankers - probably converted at less cost than their CEO’s bonuses - there would’ve been no disaster. The same is true for last year’s leaks in the Alaska pipeline. They didn’t just develop oily stigmata, they rotted because the Titans of Capitalism didn’t inspect and repair them as they should as a cost saving measure. Clearly, money trumps safety time and again.

War of Crapitude
Nuclear technology isn’t a big problem either. Despite other countries using it effectively, Americans are left with a deadly fear of the stuff. That fear is well-grounded. Power companies haven’t had a sterling record when it comes to keeping nuke power safe. They built reactors on fault lines. They caused the Three Mile Island disaster. They buried nuclear waste in under-engineered and poorly maintained dump sites. They tote nuke materials around in unmarked trains and trucks with no special protection. Hell, according to the Homeland Insecurity folks, they can’t even keep nuke sites safe from the all-feared Al Qaeda. That’s not responding to a War of Terror, it’s responding to a War of Crapitude.^TM

Humans are inventive. Using no more than our opposable thumbs, we’ve evolved from swamp scum to Masters of the Known Universe. We can build machines that can take us to the edges of the galaxy. We’ve developed highly structured societies with unique ideologies to accommodate a massive array of problems.

Solving our energy problems will take the most technologically inventive minds in the world. It’ll also need the best financial wizards to finance it. However, it’ll also take some fundamental changes to the American notion of capitalism. We’ll need to understand that capitalism’s only role is not simply making money. The money also needs to be spent to gain the trust of their market. The public must trust that if an oil company presents a technological proposal for drilling in ANWR, they will vigorously carry out the safeguards. It’s all about change.

Yeah, I’ll be holding my breath for that one.

The Poobah is a featured contributor at Bring It On!

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