Update:No shit, who do you think helped him be so good at it?
Nancy Pelosi, damn your useless hide!
When you swept to power - well maybe not swept, more like a shuffle really - the democratic hopeful thought you’d be the savior, the leader of the vast left-wing conspiracy’s triumphant return to power. The champagne ran like beer at a Crawford picnic as you fiddled with the House gavel like it was a prized dildo. And you should know, you’ve been sucking down long, cool drafts of the Beer that Made Crapweasels FamousTM ever since.
I’ve been keeping tabs on your career as Speaker of the House of Wax and I must say your failures are Bush-like in their breath-taking crapulence. In fact, if you didn’t cover your Adam’s apple with those scarves, I’d swear you were George in drag. But it was your first big decision that’s turned out to stain your reputation beyond repair - taking impeachment “off the table”.
Despite your rumored - but rarely seen - political acumen, you broke the cardinal rule that you never tell your foes what you may do next. You cleared the table and Bush and his merry band of rubber stampers sat down for a roast constitution feast served up by the most cowardly cast of Congresspussies in American history. Almost from the beginning, you failed to make even the meekest attempt to reign the conniving bastard in. In fact, whenever one of your fellow zombies got brave enough to question his majesty - even a little - you were Josephina on the spot to make sure nothing came of it.
Barack Obama’s recent decisions to chuck public campaign financing and support the FISA capitulation bill angered many, including me. And, his explanations for both were weak and far short of his promise to change government.
I wasn’t tremendously offended by his decision on campaign financing. The decision wasn’t wrong in the technical sense. The system is broken and it does make more sense to raise funds himself - especially since he’s proved he can. But for many, the issue wasn’t the funding source so much as his breaking a “promise”. Not withstanding, his chief antagonist - Walnuts McCain - has backed away from a similar promise and is crowding the legal foul line as he also games the system. His disingenuous flap-jawing about Obama is encouraged by the reluctance of many to point out his little flaw.
Joining the Pusillanimous Democrats
The Obaminator’sTMsupport of the new FISA bill is more troubling. By joining the pusillanimous democrats, he’s adding to the constitutional carnage The VetoerTM has already inflicted. Barak’s amends for such a poor decision doesn’t hold much water either. Yes, immunity for the telecoms is galling and encourages them to cooperate with extra-legal government requests, but it pales in comparison to the constitutional dangers the evolving FISA bill pays forward. It’s nice that he plans to work for the removal of the immunity provision, but that’s pissing into the strong wind of constitutional outrage. The time to oppose immunity was before the bill passed on. Given his and his colleagues’ fraidy cat natures, I doubt much will change in the current version before it escapes to George’s crayons for signature. It seems there’s no surfeit of political courage these days and Barack jumped on the crapulent bandwagon with these decisions.
However, Obie’s missteps highlight one of the core problems of why our government works - or more correctly - doesn’t work.
Change is a vexing thing for any organization, especially one as big and complex as government. Not only is it near-impossible to whip the dinosaur’s ass into action, leaders have to constantly fight for possession of the stick. If there was such a thing as a truly off-the-record conversation our would-be president might admit that FISA is a pox on our nation’s house. He’d admit that he had to hold his nose to vote for the abomination. He might even admit that he’d like to roll the bill into a paper-cutting ball and shove it where the Texan’s sun don’t shine. I’m sure he’d tell you letting telecoms off the hook is a travesty he’d just as soon not abet. But off-the-record is a place politicians can’t go without mortally wounding themselves - and by extension - the country.
The embarrassing truth is that no candidate from any party can win by single constituencies alone. They need to placate a whole galaxy of voters who are zealous to a fault. This is partially why the republicans are in such a pickle today. By allowing ditsy constituencies like Dobson and the rest of his odious ilk to take the reins of power, they lost the trust of the majority who are nothing like him. By allowing corporations to buy legislation, they’ve lost every shred of trust - and dignity - they ever had. It’s hard out there for a vote pimp so I don’t expect anyone will cure Congress of its many ills because we ensure failure. Each voter has their own crusades - those positions they refuse to compromise in the slightest. One could argue that principles are paramount and only truth holds sway. But compromise has to carry the day and compromise is a one-size-fits-all condition that fits everyone after a fashion, but no one well. There is no way for any politician to vote as you want all the time.
The Crapinator’s Ironic Twist
In a sadly ironic twist, the Crapinator-in-Chief wasn’t far off the mark with his joke about dictatorships being easier to govern as long as you’re the one running them. Any time you get people involved, everything goes to hell in a hand-basket…fast.
The trick is to balance what and how much you’re willing to compromise across many different issues and then pick the candidate who’ll best adhere to your choices. Choosing a candidate who happens to lose the primaries is something you must deal with logically and dispassionately. You can send a signal by voting elsewhere, but chances are that elsewhere may be even worse than the candidate you’re running from. You can choose a candidate based on a single issue, but a laser-like focus on it to the exclusion of all other issues will lead you to a decision that discounts the 90% agreement you have on your other issues.
Most people think politicians do a pitiable job at conforming to our nebulous will - usually because the public rarely ever knows what it wants. They’re right, after a fashion, but they’re making a demand that will never be satisfied. Is Obama the man? Maybe, maybe not. Is McCain the guy? In my opinion, no, but plenty of others think he is. People want a candidate that exactly matches the template for the fine, upstanding, wise, and courageous politician they envision. There’s only one problem with that wishful thinking…
George Bush announced today that he’ll be taking his marching orders from Auxiliary President David Patraeus and will stop troop withdrawals this summer. At the same time, he’ll reduce deployment lengths to Iraq. But if you’re currently reading us in Baghdad, don’t get all excited. You’re already there and you’re going to stay for the full 15 months … and just so you know, that’ll leave about the same number of you stuck there as before the semi-permanent surge started. You can take solace in the fact that you’ve been getting your ass shot off for over a year to take us back to where we were before we started.
Is Everybody Happy Now?
“From the interests of the next president,” Ken says with all the certainty of a consultant hiding under his desk, “The best thing this president could do for the next is to keep all 15 brigades there and give Dave Petraeus and Ryan Crocker everything they need. It is likely to allow this president to put the next president in the position to do something that is likely to make everybody in the country happy - which is to withdraw troops in a responsible fashion.”
Well now Ken, it will put the next President in a “position”, but it’s one in which they’ll be bent over an empty Vaseline barrel during the annual Soap Drop Festival in Baghdad. And making the country happy? Not so much there Ken. So, spit out the Kool Aid and let’s review.
Since he kicked off for Baghdad University in the 2003 Asshat Bowl, our fearful leader has repeatedly withdrawn troops only to redeploy them soon after because, well, you know, there are people shooting at each other over there. Nothing…NOTHING this administration has planned has EVER minutely resembled anything that actually came about. I’m not sure what the previous 6,438 failed attempts taught you Ken, but it taught the rest of us that ANYTHING this President does will INVARIABLY put the next President in a worse position. There’s a reason for that Ken. When you’ve jumped out of an airplane wearing a Wyle E. Coyote Acme-brand parachute, there is no better position. There is only one certainty. You will turn into a small puff of dust at the bottom of an impossibly deep canyon…and a big rock will the fall on you just to make sure your ass is well and permanently flattened. Oh, and Osama bin Laden will dress in a roadrunner costume and stick his tongue out and “meep-meep” at you from atop the canyon wall just to complete the tableau.
There’s Something About Cowboy Hats
Our military is worn out. Even the Generals who our lame-ass quarterback famously “listens” to have been telling him that for years. You cannot keep sending people back for 15 OR 12-month deployments indefinitely. You cannot keep relying on equipment that ran out of service life years ago. You cannot alternate troops between Iraq and Afghanistan deployments and pretend that is somehow a better state of affairs. This is not a frickin’ glass half empty/glass half full moment, it is a Colorado River pumped dry and every water glass in the country laying in shards on the ground moment.
More than a few people think this is nothing more than another sick and cynical ploy to blame this crap-filled swamp on the next poor sucker who inherits the office, even in the unlikely event it is John McCain. “We all know it’s going to happen,” said Leslie Gelb, former president of the Council on Foreign Relations. “He is going to do what Lyndon Johnson did: make sure the war was not lost on his watch.”
It must be something about Presidents who wear cowboy hats.
Nancy Pelosi, damn your useless hide!
Barack Obama’s recent decisions to chuck public campaign financing and support the 
George Bush announced today that he’ll be taking his marching orders from 
