Right Wingers Don’t Have a Monopoly on Conspiracy Theories

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The Dog ConspiracyRight wingers don’t have a monopoly on conspiracy theories. Even chock-a-block with Kenyan Kommunists, fluoride brainwashing, and death panels, their opponents on the left can sometimes be just as single-minded in their demonstrably proven backasswards beliefs.

In July, two QF-4 drones crashed near Tyndall AFB, FL. The F-4s were retired aircraft of Vietnam War vintage, far beyond their usefulness as fighters and sitting in the hot desert at a boneyard outside Tuscon, AZ. Needing real life airplanes to test weapons, the Air Force converted the old aircraft to remotely piloted drones at much lower cost than building brand new ones. There is nothing new in this. The U.S. and many other countries have done the same thing since shortly after WWII. Better drone. Way cheaper. No brainer, right?

Government Conspiracies Exposed!You’d think, but the crashes touched off a minor conspiracy merry-go-round. Media reports have been accurate, but conspiracies primarily on the left have ignored facts and determined that the crashed drones were variously designed to kill enemies of the state, listen to phone calls, close Florida roads with on-board bombs, or (I really can’t follow this one) part of a plot in which the NSA is in cahoots with aliens to destroy the world That last one may have been Michele Bachmann masquerading as a leftie…I’m not sure. There were more birther-like theories than Donald Trump’s toupee can shake a stick at.

…And the Conspiracy Goes On

Every argument is easily batted down, but that doesn’t change the true whackjobs’ minds. A few gleaned from left-leaning websites:

  • “The NSA is using them to listen to my phone calls.” No, even manned F-4s can’t do that.
  • “The Air Force is going to use them to attack Occupy protests.” No, the converted drones aren’t armed and in fact, many of them didn’t even have guns when first built.
  • “There were bombs on board.” No, those are small explosive charges on drones designed to destroy the plane if it goes out of control.
  • “The F-4 crashed on the highway attempting to destroy the road.” No, the drone flew all of its mission, minus take off and landing, over the sea. The approach to Tyndall crossed the road which is where the cause of the crash occurred.
  • “Why didn’t they blow it up before it crashed then?” Well, when you blow something up shards of metal go all over the place, including roads directly under the exploding airplane. Directly above the heads of the people stuck in the ensuing traffic jam. Shards? Road? Make it rain?
  • “Why do they need something so big?” Because fighters need other fighters to provide realistic test scenarios.

I’ve seen plenty of others, all equally batty.

Sometimes a Drone is Just a Drone

The point is this. There are conspiracies, but most live in the minds of people with the worst critical thinking skills on the planet. If you go into an issue expecting to find a conspiracy you will, without doubt, find a conspiracy. And if you refuse to believe any and all proof to the contrary, You’ll end up paranoid and look like a fool doing it. Critical thinking is one thing, being critical of facts while thinking is quite another.

So let’s make a deal.

Forget death panels and ancient airplanes trying to kill you. Gay people will not end the world, or the Bible, or traditional marriage — whatever that is. Allowing “In God We Trust” on a dollar won’t make it worth less than a dollar or is a plot to crush you under the jackboot of a renegade congregation of Presbyterians.

Have some common sense…please. Of all the deficits America runs, this is the most damaging one. Stop believing the flakiest of the bullshit. If you must have someone conspire against you, please confine the conspiracy to something remotely possible. The stuff you worry about now doesn’t even have enough truth in it to make it plausible fiction.

Just stop…please?

Now about that grassy knoll, 27-shooter Kennedy assassination conspiracy…

Obama did it.

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