George W. Bush Was Destined for a Middling Legacy

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Before 9/11, George W. Bush was destined for a middling legacy. There was no great indication his administration would become the clustercoitus it became. His biggest “accomplishment” was a cut-em’-in-half, Solomonaic decision to ban stem cell testing while using up the existing supply of “the unborn”. When he delivered his announcement, he had that deer in the headlights squint that would become so familiar and ridiculed in the years to come.

Then came September 11. We call it 9/11. The universal emergency number is a fitting tribute to him.

After first, he didn’t perform terribly. Sure, his initial reaction was a little stunned and appearing on TV shortly after the attacks he looked harried and panicked. Who wouldn’t? But after regaining his composure, he did mostly the right things…at first.

A Presidential Seal Boot Up a Nation of Taliban Asses

With a stunned nation looking on he vowed vengeance. He promised a Presidential Seal boot up a nation of Taliban asses. Yes, the megaphone atop the pile of rubble with his arm slung around a grinning fire fighter foreshadowed his ill-fated Mission Accomplished photo op, but to a nation in crisis a little theatrics went a long way. Admirably, the country bonded in a way not seen in years.

Bush on 9/11However, the wheels soon began to come off the bus in the now-familiar way they would do repeatedly. He told the nation he knew of the culprit. It was that Osama bin Laden fella – criminal mastermind and de facto leader of Afghanistan.  He put some of them “islamofascists” up to it. When people asked why he didn’t know this in time to stop OBL he told the nation he didn’t know anything about it until just before that fateful day.

Since then, we’ve learned that, well, he did know about it before. Long before. The CIA would tell him repeatedly for almost a year that something terrible was afoot. Put on the spot, he blamed the CIA, claiming their reports were vague and intelligence came too late to do any good. Recently declassified intelligent documents showed the CIA to be real truthers in the affair. With Paul Ryan truthiness the revelations will bounce off his vulcanized head.

In fairness, even with the warnings it’s unclear if he could cook up a defense in time anyway. But he needed to do something.

So, he ignored centuries of evidence that invading Afghanistan was the common mistake of many empires. Afghanistan was always a lawless place and the warlords liked it that way. There was virtually a sign at the border warning invaders to enter at their own risk – especially if their plans went no farther than rounding up Osama and kicking his ass. The intervening years showed that was a huge mistake. Even Special Forces and CIA teams couldn’t track the bastard down. Osama was like a Keebler elf living in a hollow tree – an amateur videographer living in a Pakistani cave.

The Bushman and his neophyte neocons set to work bombing the piss out of the Afghans and installing a grifting puppet in a fashionable goatskin cap and Batman cape. He ran the whole operation so poorly – especially after opening an even more failure-ridden front promising a florist’s wet dream of flowers thrown at invaders’ feet – Bush eventually said he wasn’t particularly concerned about catching the bearded one.

‘Heck of a Job Dubya’

Of course, we wound down one war, if by “wound down” you mean leaving rampant suicide bombers, political killings, and a ruined infrastructure built by America’s best corporate thieves. We’re “withdrawing” from the other mess now. The Caped Crusader is still in charge and living large, our erstwhile allies are bombing the piss out of us, and we’re counting the years that add up to more war time than several of the other invading armies put together. Oh yeah, our boys are still dying at a shameful clip. Still we got Osama long after Bush was gone and a hefty percentage of Ohio right-wingers credit Mr. Romneycare for all his fine work in doing it.

The Bushwhacker ended up with a far more important legacy than a few stem cells. He goes to Rangers games and gives interviews about how swell fame and power was. He says he had the time of his life and misses it.

Yes, a few small countries with more gumption than ours indicted him and his cabal for war crimes, but there is as much chance of him standing trial as there is getting Hamid Karzai in the dock. Sure, his party treats him like a mangy Sarah Palin, but they’ll eventually treat Mitt that way too. They eat their own like cucumber sandwiches at a Tea Party.

The ex Shit-Kicker-in-Chief put America in a bad way, militarily, economically, and in every other negative adverb you can imagine. He collects a government pension he doesn’t need and relaxes on the public dime oblivious to the damage he caused. If he’s any indication, no wonder government employees get such a bad rap. Overall, we’ll be cleaning up his crapulent incompetence for decades to come and that’s a hell of a way to remember a dastardly act made millions of times worse by history’s greatest imbecile.

“Heck of a job Dubya.”

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