Bad Company: The Music of Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan

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Romney the Rockstar

Who woulda’ thunk it? Paul Ryan loves Rage Against the Machine. I would have pegged him as a Randy Ayn and the Fountainheads fan or a sucker for Sweet Georgie and the Romneylans. And, all he got for his trouble was a little requited rage from the band and a head scratch from Mittens who is more of a Lawrence Welk Head who occasionally likes to rock out to the Osmonds.

Politicians and musicians always seem to have trouble with each other. The politicos are forever skipping over copyright laws and neglecting ASCAP fees to steal delightful ditties for their campaign songs.

Just last week, Romney panicked and flipped the Silversun PickupsPanic Switch. Over on the Veep side, America’s oldest young man ripped off Twisted Sister’s We’re Not Gonna Take It.

Romney, the American IdiotIn both cases they chose to steal from groups that not only don’t support them, they vehemently and loudly don’t support them – plus some of them wear makeup and cross dress, which never goes over well at the Defense of Marriage Act meetings.

Lead Silversun, Brian Aubert, sounded quite miffed with Mitt. “We don’t like people going behind our backs, using our music without asking, and we don’t like the Romney campaign. We’re nice, approachable people. We won’t bite. Unless you’re Mitt Romney!”

Twisted Dee Snyder said much the same to Paulie, a double affront since Dee is a registered Republican. Impossible-to-balance budgets and glam rockers clearly don’t mix.

Despite being the party of All Business Big and Small, the Republicans seem to run afoul of the copyright laws more often than those socialist Dems. Perhaps that is just part of their whole, “What’s Yours is Mine and What’s Mine is Mine” philosophy – a song, grandma’s life savings…same difference.

But then, maybe musicians are generally creative types who wouldn’t be caught dead supporting a bunch of cultural wingtips like the everlasting GOPstoppers. Your typical Little Tenter is more of a wholesome Sippy Cups/Old MacDonald Had a Farm Subsidy bunch and would gladly bypass all that 666ish devil worshipping rock and roll anyway…but the Koch Brothers really like to rock when they’re out on the town.

Money talks, rock walks.

Republican musical historians are as incompetent as their fact checkers. They have the uncanny ability to steal music from people who will turn their amps up to 11, hit a low note on the Mighty Hammond B3, and blow them and their walkers away. Why do they do that?

In the interests of peace in the Kingdom of Rock, here are a few tips for my righty friends who love, though don’t understand, a good lyric and a catchy tune:

  1. Ask to use the music first. If the group flings cymbals at you like death stars, they are probably Democrats.
  2. Pay for what you take. To use an analogy you’ll understand better than those new-fangled cassette tapes, we don’t want to resort to putting those old Plexiglas plates with holes smaller than 8-tracks over the music bin.
  3. Use the song appropriately. Tom Petty’s American Girl is a poor match for Michele Bachmann. She’s more of an American Woman.

American woman, stay away from me
American woman, mama let me be
Don’t come hangin’ around my door
I don’t wanna see your face no more

Always pick something with a good beat you can waltz to. If in doubt, check with Dick Clark.

Even dead, he’s hipper than Ryan Seacrest.

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