Spammers Say the Darndest Things

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Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam

I get a lot of spam on my blog The Omnipotent Poobah Speaks!  I normally favor the death penalty for spammers of any kind – email or blog comment style. I’m also open to capital punishment for paper spammers like banks (do I really need 5 credit card offers a day?) and I’d gladly off phone solicitors who ignore my entries on the National Do Not Call (But Go Ahead Anyway Because No One will Prosecute You) List.

Still, I always read the accursed stuff. It’s often quite entertaining in a spelling-challenged, EAL (English as an Alien Language) way. If the spammer has clearly read the post and the comment is good, I’ll even let it in – sans the commercial message of course. BTW, what makes you think I’d buy gold bullion from a language-challenged pygmy from deep in the Internet Jungle? Plus, my dick is big enough already thankyouverymuch.

So to prove I’m magnaomous and somewhat supporting of their misplaced entrepenurial spirit, here are some of the best from the past week:

I Hate You, But Send Me Money Anyway

“i don’t like the article display in this site very much.”

‘Looking Forward to Peer You’

“hi!,I like your writing so a lot! percentage we be in contact more approximately your post on AOL? I require a specialist on this area to unravel my problem. May be that is you! Looking forward to peer you.”

Hillary Clinton Will be Glad to Know It Doesn’t Take a SWAT Team

“Thank Montana mom , my fellow American, who has tahgut all of us a lesson..It doesn’t take a village, and army or a swat team , it takes just one person that believes in America per example, (you) and your love for your country.God bless you and God bless America.”

The Chick-fil-A Debate Continues

“The man said he had gone into the fast food restaurant on Tuesday and ordered a Chick Fil-A chicken burger with cheese.”

Surpringly Clear on The Whole Accounting Thing

“Companies establish an accountant’s work. Even though black magic concept. With Snyder, you will purchase those everyday parts and accessories from them as well. They do not get this opportunity when they sit and listen to a healthy breakfast had at the state level.”

You’re Joking: ‘In Reality’

“Thank you, I have recently been looking for information approximately this topic for ages and yours is the greatest I have discovered till now. But, what about the bottom line? Are you sure concerning the source?|What i do not realize is in reality how you are no longer actually a lot more neatly-preferred than you may be right now. You’re very intelligent.”

Picayune, MS  Sucks Ass

“In all the cities I have been to in my life, I have always found a bright side… something that was worthwhile. Even in cities like Kansas City, MO; Morristown, NJ; Irvine, CA; Picayune, MS; and Vermillion, SD I have found cool things and awesome women even when all signs point to these places sucking ass for anyone over 18 and single.”

Thanks, Your Sweat is Delicious Too

“Magnificent web site. Lots of useful info here. I am sending it to several pals ans additionally sharing in delicious. And certainly, thanks for your sweat!”

True Love

“i love your posts, but i like this one more than the others, so i read it all over again.”

Rockin’ Blogs is What I Do Bro

“You, my friend, ROCK! I found exactly the info I already searched everywhere and simply could not find it. What a great website.”

That Would Be All of Them

“Just what exactly blogs and forums for the purpose of governmental criticism on earth do you suggest me personally to study?”

Yeah, Well, Um, Same to You Buddy!

“Yawn… More of the same nonsense. What about those of us who at one time did seek out the “truth’? What about those of us who were extremely sincere and who ached because god didn’t feel like revealing itself? Did god harden all our hearts? Or maybe it’s because we grew up and realized it is highly unlikely that there exists and any kind of diety, especially the vile creature described in the Bible and Koran. Seeking the truth is a 24/7 lifetime pursuit. It is not something you dabble in, become bored (yawn) with, and ditch for more fun things. It is discovery as well as practice. Classical pianists practice a minimum of 5 hours a day, everyday. So do ice skakers in the Olympics. No one said it would be easy or simple. Anything worth having takes a lot of work and practice to accomplish. I think from what you say in your post, you have already discovered some truth. You now realize you can’t read God out of a book, that is a big step in learning about the Creator. So you must look elsewhere now, but never stop seeking truth. If you do you are wasting your life.”

You Might Not Understand I Write in Motherf*cking English

“hey i did not understand what are you saying about. somewhat i understood on that basis i don’t agree with this. thanks for posting.”

Good to Know

“The plethora of pumping systems doesn’t have end based on just about every design and style you need”

How Many Times Must I Say It? I’m Not a Cross-Dresser!

“You will want to get material and receiving distinct designs of shoes at your house will likely be useful to be able to adjust them using the dress-up costume that you picked”

A Note From an Actual Panamanian Banking Company

“The Fed has been pushing on a rope for 5 years expecting the other end to move. They’re shooting blanks. Worse, their actions actually have been hindering any recovery. By subsidizing Wall Street with printed money and artificially low interest rates they encourage financial speculation driving up consumer prices and lowering demand. Also, by robbing savers and retirees of their market interest rates they lower the aggregate income lowering demand. The harder they push on the accelerator the more the engine stalls. The economic problems we face are much deeper than simple monetary policy. Our corporate written trade treaties have exported our productive assets along with their incomes to slave wage Nations. Our tax code has been Reaganized sending the fruits of all Americans efforts to the few at the top while bankrupting the Nation in the process. Our military empire is as an Albatross around the Nation’s neck squandering a trillion dollars per year on non-productive misadventures. Finally they have announced that interest rates will be held down. This is the worst thing you could possibly do if you want to ignite investment and spending. Anyone contemplating borrowing to purchase real property, consumer items, equipment or wealth/jobs producing items can put it off knowing that their interest rates aren’t likely to rise. If you want someone to move on their investment then start raising rates. Potential home buyers, car buyers and investors will pull the trigger sooner rather than later. That’s how you jumpstart an economy.”


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3 thoughts on “Spammers Say the Darndest Things

  1. Pingback: Spammers, Unite! You’ll Be Easier to Spoof That Way « Collectables

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