Rick and Anita Perry: Whaaaa! You’re Bruitalizing Us!

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Erstwhile First Lady, Anita Perry, stepped in to help her goobulent hubby this week by charging Gov. Goodhair is being “brutalized” because he’s a Christian.

On the surface it’s a laughable claim considering the current GOP field has somewhere between 15 and 1000 candidates on any given day. All of them are Christian (except for those dirty, cross-bred Mormo-terrorists). All of them are conservatives. None of them survive more than a week behind the podium. And all of them have 9-9-9 nutty ideas.

Jesus Has Nothing on Brutalized Christians
It’s tough spiritual life wherein the 10% or so non-Christian people of America beat them to a pulp by not allowing them to say Merry Christmas or nail the 10 Commandments to every flat surface in the land. I’ll let those numbers speak for themselves.

Then there’s Anita’s second claim. That mean old Obamunist in the White House pushed her son, Griffin, out into the cold light of unemployment.

Ricky and the Cows

THROW ANOTHER CANDIDATE ON THE BARBIE - Christian Cattle Brutalize Rick Perry

“My son lost his job because of this administration,” Anita whined. “He resigned his job two weeks ago because he can’t go out and campaign with his father because of SEC regulations,” she said. “He has a wife… he’s trying to start a business.”

Awwww! No word on how other laid off entrepeneurs are doing at starting their businesses using chewing gum and their obscenely high unemployment checks.

Anita, I know it’s a fine point lost on a hard Texas head, but losing a job and resigning from a job are entirely different things.

Redundant Just Rolls off the Tongue, Eh?
Losing means you were let go, forced out, made redundant as our British cousins say. If you’re lucky, you got severance before you joined the French Fryin’ Legion. More likely, you got bupkis. I’d guess an investment advisor at that All-American corporation, DeutscheBank, would probably get along just fine on the meager wages and tips he’s been collecting.

Resigning means you quit, an optional action, you chose to leave, “to take on new challenges” before the door hit you in the ass – well if you are a fallen 1 percenter anyway – factory workers and waiters, not so much.

The SEC didn’t make Griffy quit. Raging non-Christian, sharia-spoutin’ jihadists didn’t twist Griffy’s arm. Griffy chose to quit. He could’ve stayed to eat bratwurst in Deutschebank‘s executive dining room. They probably have an extensive wine list and he wouldn’t have needed to tip his money-grubbing sub-minimum wage waiter either. It’s just that Griffy and Mom ache to swoop down and pull defeat from the jaws victory for dear old Dad.

Cowboy Rick didn’t get tossed out of the limelight because Griffy the Kid couldn’t campaign for him. Rick didn’t lose his pole position because he does a dangerously dead-on Bush the Lesser impersonation (though that’s reason enough for me to withhold my vote). He’s not even being “brutalized” by Christians who gaveth him the top spot last week and tooketh it away the next. He may have been slightly damaged by his very own Bill Ayers, Robert Jeffress, but that was avoidable and consistent with Obama’s meeting with his dangerous terrorist. Karma is a bitch, ain’t it Rick?

Now Rick, I don’t want to tell you how to run your campaign. I see what a stunning success it is, but it’s unseemly for a non-homo man like yourself to let women-folk fight your battles. Anita, I’d suggest you not try to “help” hubby anymore, because with wives like you, he doesn’t need enemies. Griff, go back to work because your daddy’s headed for the second spot on the Bachmann/Perry ticket anyway and campaigning is a lose-lose in a lost cause. But to all three of you, I’ll offer the best advice Republican leaders have given the country over the last decade:

Quityerwhinin’ and suck it up you goldbricks!

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