Pastor Mike is a Back Seat Driver

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Disclaimer: I’m a former Christian who is now an atheist. I have nothing against most theists and respect their beliefs – up to the point where they step on mine. However, even in my Christian days I would’ve been appalled by the hubris of this plan.

Bash atheistI’m overjoyed so many religious people are so protective of my soul that they insist upon preaching to me at every chance, attempting to nail the 10 Commandments to every flat surface in America, and being generally pesky with their anti-sharia laws and Defense of Marriage hogswallop.

Pastor Michael Stahl – or “Pastor Mike” – of the Living Water eChurch especially wants to help by entering me in a database called, The Christian National Registry of Atheists, a database to identify heathen atheists, skinheads, cross-burners, etc. No word yet on if he plans a similar Christian National Registry of Muslims.

Of course, I’m sure in his pious and peaceful heart he doesn’t mean to equate me with a sex offender. He just wants to hate the sin, but love the sinner.

Oops! I spoke too soon.

“I mean, think about it,” Pastor Mike says, “There are already National Registrys [sic] for convicted sex offenders, ex-convicts, terrorist cells, hate groups like the KKK, skinheads, radical Islamists, etc..” (But) this type of ‘National Registry’ would merely be for information purposes.”

P-Mikey is All About the Information
Information purposes? Yo P-Mikey, one man’s “information” is another’s unwelcome intrusion into something that is none of your business (I was going to say “Goddamn” business, but I didn’t want to blaspheme your delicate sensibilities).

Christian basherLet’s let the ePastor explain. “Why do this, what’s the purpose? Duhhh, Mr. Atheist for the same purpose many States put the names and photos of convicted sex offenders and other ex-felons on the I-Net – to INFORM the public!”

Well, duhhh you preposterous ass-miter, most atheists are NOT ex-felons or ex-sex offenders. Would you advocate putting Christians, particularly the felons and sex offenders, in my database, The Atheist National Registry of Christians. After all “we only want to, INFORM the public!”

I wouldn’t put names or photos on the list. I agree with Mike that addresses are a bad idea too. We might have a little oopsie and kill an abortion provider or something. You know, purely for informational purposes.

Feeding Satan Ignorant Asshats
I’d also not use the “information” to,  “begin to witness to them and warn them of the dangers of atheism Christianity.” Nor would I, encourage all our Christian atheist friends, as well as the various churches and their congregations NOT to patronize them as we would only be ‘feeding’ Satan ignorant asshats.”

“Frankly, I don’t see why anyone would oppose this idea – including the atheists themselves (unless of course, they’re actually ashamed of their atheist religion, and would prefer to stay in the ‘closet.’),” Pastor Mike said.

Pastor Mike, may I enlighten you? I’m a proud atheist. I’m not in the closet. Neither are most atheists.

I am atheist just as you are a Christian, albeit a twisted caricature of one. I don’t want you to tell me about the dangers of atheism, because to be honest, part of the reason I’m not a Christian is because of crapweasels like you. My soul is none of your concern.

Perhaps the way to best sum up what I think of odious pea brains like Stahl is this, “God may be my copilot, but since I’m doing the driving, I’m the pilot.”

And I really loathe back seat drivers.

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4 thoughts on “Pastor Mike is a Back Seat Driver

  1. Oh Great One, I hear that Pastor Mike was including people’s photographs. Did he use the one of you holding the cell phone? Inquiring minds like to know 🙂

    Love the cartoon.


  2. Whether you’re in the closet or not, they way you handle it is the best advice for both. If theists have a code that everyone should live by it’s, “helping others, not being judgmental, treating everyone fairly, and following the best ethical and moral practices as proposed through The Golden Rule just might be living a better life than they are. ”

    Thanks for your comment.

  3. I really wish I could be as “out” as many others are. I have chosen a comfortable life living among theists and some especially fundamentalist ones at that. Family is one thing. They all know where I stand. But the work and community environment is another thing entirely.

    I would never lie if asked directly, but find difficulty in taking a public posture that would guarantee underhanded discrimination in promotions and job opportunities by being as open as other non-believers advertise to be.

    My best method of persuasion is to silently suggest to the casual observers that the man who they observe helping others, not being judgmental, treating everyone fairly, and following the best ethical and moral practices as proposed through The Golden Rule just might be living a better life than they are.

    If they ask, I’ll tell them my secret. I’m not a theist. I’m an Atheist.

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