Prongs and Sockets: Donohue Has a Short Between the Ears

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Update U.S. bishop resigns after allowing pedophile priest to flee

Catholic League president Bill Donohue is outraged. Outraged because those damn gays are getting married. Bill says that if you open the door, a Rick Santorumesque world holds sway – threesomes and moresomes will suck all the life out of the Catholic church and bring the human race to ruination.

Bill’s outraged that nature disqualified homosexuals from parenting because they don’t have matching equipment. Yet, they insist on marrying to raise children within the framework of stable 2-parent couplings. Or as Bill more electrifyingly puts it, “I mean, let’s face it. If you want electricity, if you want juice, you can’t have two sockets touch each other or two prongs. The prong has to penetrate the socket.”

Make sure you have a good solid ground too.

Methinks Bill should think more about that whole, “the prong has to penetrate the socket” analogy though. Clearly, there are lots of gay prongs penetrating lots of gay sockets as we speak. Presumably lesbians would need to make other arrangements. Perhaps a turkey baster plug for their procreative sockets.

He’s afraid of dysfunctional Hallmark moments too. “We just had father’s day,” he explained. “What do you say to these kids when you have two mothers?”

How about, “excuse me Johnny you have two Daddies. We know that makes picking out a Father’s Day card a little tricky, but suck it up. Life’s hard kid.”

It seems this whole gay marriage thing is a bigger issue than holding Latin-only mass. What would happen if Fridays went fish-free? What if that papal infallibility thing turned out to be wrong? What would happen if Ratzie suddenly said, “Oops, it turns out that pedophiliac priests really aren’t very wholesome after all. Phew, glad I can make infallible corrections.”

Bill, priests are hard to come by these days and your congregations are shrinking. Isn’t it time you and Ratzie drag the church into the 16th century? A time when the Earth is round and the planets revolve around the sun? Americans are running from this medieval nonsense and that can’t be a good thing. Your Big Boss upstairs can’t be happy about your results and you know it’s not nice to fool with your Superior Being.

C’mon Bill, let’s plug Prong A into Slot B and catch up with the times.

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3 thoughts on “Prongs and Sockets: Donohue Has a Short Between the Ears

  1. The noise from these guys is just going to get louder and louder. Once California finally passes their equal marriage act, many of the rest of the Blue states will soon follow. When that happens, the noise from the religious camps will start to sound like cries of desperation.

    I have been talking lately with uber-religious, freedom loving, libertarian, friends who keep telling me that the government should not be able to tell them what they can and cannot do. When I suggest that the same argument should be applied to love and marriage; that no person or government should be able to tell another person who they can or cannot love, can or cannot marry, their libertarianism gets quickly replaced with theocracy and suddenly their freedom trumps anyone else’s freedom.

    I married my wife of 31 years at a young age. Her dad had to sign for us to get married. We could have just waited for her to reach the legal age and married then. It would not have been a big issue to wait. I can only image how a gay or lesbian couple might feel, knowing that no matter how long they wait, they may not be allowed to marry in their state. I am so glad to finally see this changing.

    My wife’s parents did not come to our wedding. I was supposedly the bad boy, rocking the cradle, stealing their innocent daughter away from them. Thirty-one years later they know different. I am the stability for their daughter. I try my best to provide her a happy fulfilled life. She does the same for me. I know that if given the chance to relive that day again her father would gladly walk his only daughter down the aisle beaming with pleasure. We have even thought of renewing our vows solely to give him that chance before he passes on.

    Her parents are really good people. They care about others’ suffering and show love abundantly to everyone they come in contact with. I once heard her mother make a comment to a news story about gays which in effect said that she wished they would all just go away. I know that statement came from her dogma and ignorance of truly knowing a gay person. I did not know what to say at the time so I remained mute. Given the opportunity again I would ask her. “if she believed her God created these gay people exactly as they were, why should she wish any less for them than anyone else?”

    Maybe I’ll get the chance someday before she passes on.

    • I know where you’re coming from, except many (not all) libertarians have the “holier than thou” thing going on for non-religious matters to. Sometimes they aren’t that adroit at spotting that if the government really stopped regulating some things, everyone including them would suffer.

      Good points though. Step in with a comment any time you have an opinion.