Teabonics: The New Official Language of the Tea Party

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Official Language

NO SPEAKA DE ENKLITCH more >>

Among the many ideas visited on the country during the post-Bush Age – 6,000 years ago when dinosaurs roamed an Earth exclusively populated by white Christians – is the notion that the far-right has a disdain for most things intellectual.

To them, science is practiced solely by the Godless heathen of the intellectual effete. History is dangerous socialist mind control that depends on actual facts. And  math? They believe the country can be run for free – no taxes, no services, it’s as easy as turning everything off – except, of course, anything they like which must always be financed by taking away the services used by someone else…unless they’re wealthy.

If ignorance is the breeding ground of fear, the ignorati are pissing a river in their communal pants. Mexicans are trying to retake Texas! Them damn Mooslims is everywhere! There’s a commie in the White House and he’s a goddamn Kenyan! Those damn scientists is refudiating the idea that air pollution, asbestos, and tobacco smoke are the three essential components of life! It’s a damn good thing the civic-minded are still driving Hummers to make up for the damage treehuggers cause.

Teabonics

You say English, I say teabonics, let's call the whole thing off.

Tucked in among all those fears is the fear that English is going to disappear from the face of the Earth, despite its position as the lingua franca for the international House of Babel. English must be saved, ironically, through government intervention presumably conducted via the small, unfunded government they’re always prattling on about. It’s an idea patterned after the Academie Francais – something most of them have never heard of because internationalism is a plot…in this case, a French plot, damn their Freedom Fry hating ways!

This summer was a barrel of political laughs. Who could forget Glenn Beck reclaiming the civil rights movement or the witch lady who never rubs one out when she’s stressed! Ah ha ha ha ha! Yeah, good times! But perhaps the biggest comedic relief came from the many signs proudly held up by Tea Baggers (er, Tea Partiers, they’re as offended at that name as Dub is offended by Kanye West).

A quick glance at those signs shows the dominance of the intellectual prowess that is the far right’s brain. They’ve invented an entirely new English language spoken only by the in crowd. It will triumph over all those bastardized languages like Mexican, Ebonics, and Spanglish. Morans, muslins, and terorits are more than simple misspelled words, they’re the vanguard of a new Anglo-Esperanto creation…

Teabonics.

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4 thoughts on “Teabonics: The New Official Language of the Tea Party

  1. Pingback: Tea Party Madness In America | Prose Before Hos

  2. Absolutely, Teabonics it is. I laugh every time anybody says that we have to make English our official language. If you don’t know English anywhere in the world you can’t do business anymore. They have to be kidding, but sadly they’re not.

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