Christine O’Donnell: Dear God, Change Your Mind

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IT'S SAD - For every person praying for Christine O'Donnell to win the election, there are others asking The Big Guy to stop her. Only time will tell whose side God will be on.

During her short time on the political stage, Christine O’Donnell has generated such incredible buffoonery she could start an “All Christine, All the Time” cable channel. Rupert Murdoch might want to talk to her about it. They seem to be made for each other – a win/win of biblically crapulent, synergistic proportions.

Almost everything that comes out of Chritine’s mouth is hilarious. Sometimes it’s in a Gracie Allen bubblehead sort of  way – “Hey, I dabbled in the witchcraft. My oh my, silly old me!” Sometimes it’s in a weird Kids in the Hall sort of way – “I’ll crrrrush your head and your evil masturbating ways too!” But, she actually believes some of the gooferous stuff she says and expects the rest of us to as well.

Her latest political/religious clone of a statement rivals her contention that scientists have developed mice with human brains. After taking her campaign lumps repeatedly, and responded with a series of demonstrably untrue statements or dubious “facts”, she still hasn’t gotten the kind of uncritical, Sharron Angle-style “leave me alone and don’t embarrass me” coverage she craves – or as media-savvy Sharron says, “I only want them to ask the questions I want to answer.”

Bring Out the Big Guy

Who, Me?

WHO, ME? - "God are you sure I'm the one you're picking? When you called, I thought maybe it was a wrong number."

“OUCH!” It’s time to bring out the Big Guy, personal friend and savior of non-Muslim Tea Partiers and Republicans everywhere.

Christine stopped by the Christian Broadcasting Network to explain why she stays in a political race that is turning her into a laughing stock.

As often happens with religious zealots dressed in right wing, fringe-bedecked vestments, she said God didn’t wanna let her quit. “…you see that if it weren’t for faith, when all logic said it’s time to quit, we pursued, we marched on, because we knew God was not releasing us to quit,” she said, referring to herself in the third person.

Christine, you’d have been better off to stop at logic before playing the God card.

As a young man questioning my own faith, I used to think about the many inconsistencies I saw in religious dogma. For example, if two football teams prayed before a game to win, how was it possible for one team to win, the other to lose, and not question how one  got short-changed on their “faith” and fervent prayers that they would win?

My religious betters gave many reasons for this, most of them seeming  specious to me.

“Obviously, one team believed more strongly and therefore God granted them their wish,” went one explanation. “God was demonstrating that not all prayers come true, even if you fervently do your best to make them happen,” went another. When the answers I got didn’t seem to match the questions I had, I was often treated to the all-purpose, “God works in mysterious ways,” explanation.

Of course, there’s nothing wrong with believing there is no contradiction there. There’s nothing wrong with believing you got the short end of the political coverage stick – even while not considering the stupid things you’ve said. However, there is something troubling about blaming illogical decisions on God.

It’s Unfair to God
First, it’s unfair to God to put him in such a tenuous position. He has enough problems. Second, it gives you a convenient out every time something doesn’t go your way. “Hey, it wasn’t my fault. I talked to the Big Guy and he said it was OK for me to fudge my educational background“. Or, George the Lesser’s penchant for “talking to God” only to be told everything was hunky dory and he should just keep on keeping on as the country went to hell around him.

There’s a reason it’s good advice to not mix religion and politics. More often than not, one has nothing – as in Christine’s case – with the other. It’s also common that biblical explanations often doesn’t hold much sway with voters, even devoutly religious ones.  And when you say that you talked to God and he told you that it’s perfectly OK to, say, deprive Muslims of the same constitutional rights you reserve for yourself, many people are going to think your celestial cell phone needs some repair.

There is a place for religion in politics, just as there is a place for politics in the pulpit. However, in the middle of a campaign where your are partially representing yourself as God’s chosen candidate, you’re out of bounds and it’s unlikely you’ll feel the need to represent the majority of us who want to keep their politics and religion unmixed if you are elected.

Let’s just hope God changes his mind.

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5 thoughts on “Christine O’Donnell: Dear God, Change Your Mind

  1. Former Lesbian: I Craved Emotional Balance of Hetero Relationship
    By Kathleen Gilbert
    UNITED KINGDOM, July 7, 2010 ( – British comedienne and former lesbian Jackie Clune has published an account of how, exhausted by the emotional dysfunction of her lesbian relationships, she discovered in her subsequent relationship with her husband a freedom to “[walk] alongside each other rather than spending life locked in face-to-face intimacy or combat.”
    “Looking at my four children racing around the garden with their father, it seems almost impossible to believe that only a few years ago I never imagined having a family,” writes Clune in a column published in the UK’s Daily Mail June 26.
    Clune, who is also known as a cabaret performer, actress, and broadcaster, says she was raised in a “very traditional Irish Catholic” home and fell in love with a man at 17. It was in college that she stumbled upon a pamphlet claiming that heterosexuality is a mere construct to be altered at will, which prompted her to break up with her boyfriend and live the typical lesbian lifestyle for the next 12 years, until she was 34 years old.
    “I was excited by the close bond a relationship with another female could bring,” she writes.
    But the experience was not as she at first envisioned it to be. In an interview with the Times’ Penny Wark in October 2005, Clune called lesbian culture “dictatorial and intimidating” and “the opposite of the sapphic fluffy nirvana I expected.”
    Despite the closeness of her relationships, Clune admits that the hyper-emotional world of a female-to-female sexual bond was “exhausting.” “The women I went out with were by and large more inclined to be insecure and to need reassurance and I found myself in the male role of endlessly reassuring my girlfriends,” she writes. “The subtle mood changes of everyday life would be picked over inexhaustibly.”
    Clune describes how one lover was so jealous and insecure that “every single time we enjoyed a night out … we would have a row and have to leave.” “Back home, we would then spend the next four hours arguing about our relationship and my feelings of loyalty, fidelity and so on,” she writes. “It was never-ending.”
    “Can you imagine waking up beside a woman when you’ve both got raging PMT (premenstrual tension)?” she adds.
    Ultimately, she says, the emotional rollercoaster forced her to reconsider her lesbian plunge – something she clearly says she “chose,” and was not born into. “Unlike most men, women, of course, offer each other endless support and there’s hardly ever any lack of communication,” writes Clune. “But – bizarre as it may seem – I found myself longing for exactly the opposite.”
    Following “a calculated decision to try men again,” Clune says that she found in her future husband Richard a “quiet kindness” and “lack of neediness” that appealed to her. “I felt we were walking alongside each other rather than spending life locked in face-to-face intimacy or combat,” she writes. “It felt natural and not at all scary. He was sanguine about my past and never suffered the insecurities I had come to expect.”
    “It was a breath of fresh air. I’ve always been fiercely independent and felt I could be myself with him.”
    Although harboring no hard feelings toward her former companions and way of life, Clune concludes that she had “outgrown lesbianism.” “When we’re young, we all need to belong to a tribe and to have a banner to march under,” she says, adding that “calling myself a lesbian was almost like calling myself a punk or a goth.”
    She says her return to heterosexuality continues to draw vitriol from the lesbian community: one major lesbian publication voted her “Most Disappointing Lesbian Of The Year,” and a now-defunct Facebook group was erected entitled, “People Like Jackie Clune Should Be Taken Outside And Shot.” “Although the criticism is hurtful, I understand where it’s coming from – I’ve confused everybody,” she says.
    Arthur Goldberg, a board certified counselor and expert on assisting individuals with unwanted same-sex attraction, told (LSN) that Clune’s story is “not atypical” of the lesbian lifestyle. Goldberg, who is co-founder of Jews Offering New Alternatives to Homosexuality (JONAH), argued that if proponents of the homosexual agenda “admitted what the true aspects of many [homosexual] relationships are,” the notion that they are simply equivalent to heterosexual relationships wouldn’t hold water.
    “One of the key criteria of lesbianism is emotional dependency,” said Goldberg. “In male gay relationships, it’s much more about sex. More typically [with] lesbian women … it’s much more serial monogamy.
    “Your relationship lasts 2-3 years [in which] you can’t live without the other person, your whole world is this person, which is why there’s so much jealousy in the lesbian world, and why there’s so much violence in the lesbian world.”
    Goldberg said it was also not uncommon for women, often more “sexually fluid” than men, to choose to enter the lesbian lifestyle after some experience of disillusionment with men, before returning to heterosexuality.

  2. That’s an easy one. He told her to run and to stay in the race, so the Democrats continue to control the Senate.

    And actually, it isn’t God. It’s Jor-El’s phantom, making sure that his only son continues to have a semi-sympathetic Congress with which to work.

  3. Good post. Small nit to pick, though: “We” is first person plural, not third person.

  4. Political – Theological advice from Johnny Carson (from memory):

    “The Lord has told Pat Robertson to run for President. I respect that. And when the Lord tells me to vote for Pat, then I will.”

    The Lord has told Christine O’Donnell to run for the Senate . . . .

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