Monthly Archives: August 2010

Randomness: Nerd Girl Porn Style


Posted by Omnipotent Poobah

FARHRENHEIT UNDER 18 – A little Ray Bradbury wi-fi, hi-fi, sci-fi. Not Safe For Work

Nerd Girl Porn and Other Sexy Things

The Free Market Uber Alles

Stuff That Doesn’t Fit Anywhere Else

Separated at Birth?

SARAH SAY IT AIN'T SO - Sarah, be careful about what you say. One day you're a hot MILF and the next day you turn into Dr. Laura. Click photo for more >>

Gangsta Fails

Emo Robots

Sushi Rots Your Brain

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If He Walks Like a Muslim and Talks Like a Muslim…


Posted by Omnipotent Poobah

HEATHEN! – I’m not saying he’s a Muslim, but he sure looks to be a born one to me.

There’s nothing surprising about recent poll numbers indicating  more people are “confused” about The Messiah’s™ true religion than ever before. They aren’t confused. Somewhere in that lump of random matter that passes for their brains they know the truth. They’re just being aggressively ignorant. They’re willingly allowing themselves to become the peas in a big chaos theory shell game.

The shills are the usual suspects on these types of things. Orly Taitz still draws a crowd, even after the Supremes slapped her down. The Grizzly Whisperer™ still has a big, fact-challenged following. Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton are always on the scene when something “ethnic” needs to be opined upon – even if it’s not about their ethnic group. But the gold standard in national matters of religion are the Grahams – first, daddy Billy and now, son Franklin.

Running Like Ecclesiastical Chickens
For my money, Frank doesn’t have nearly the panache of the old man. I can remember when Billy laid hands on people. By God, they’d walk, hell, run like ecclesiastical chickens with their heads cut off. Ernest Angley couldn’t hold a candle to them, even with the help of his “miracle healing cloth”, free with every $19.99 donation. But what Frank lacks in genetic charlatanism he more than makes up for with the greasy rhetorical skills of a Newt Gingrich or any random member of the Fox & Friends staff.

When CNN’s John King asked about Obama’s Christian bona fides, Frank didn’t bat an eye while calling Obama a part-time Christian, but true born Muslim.

“The seed is passed through the father,” Frank said. “He was born a Muslim. His father was a Muslim; the seed of Muslim is passed through the father like the seed of Judaism is passed through the mother…his father gave him an Islamic name.”

Case closed, except for that little conversion loophole.

“But the confusion is because his father is a Muslim; he was born a Muslim. The Islamic world sees the president as one of theirs. That’s why Qadhafi calls him his son. They see him as a Muslim,” he said. “But, of course, the president says he is a Christian, and we just have to accept it as that, ” he added skeptically.

“We just have to accept it as that.” Accepting as in the way we file lawsuits to make him repeatedly produce birth certificates or prove he doesn’t want to throw all of his detractors in FEMA-run concentration camps.

Latching Onto the Christian Fakir
See, Frank and his ilk know that truth isn’t really important if you want to control the conversation. As long as you mix that smidge of doubt with a spoonful of sugary Kool Aid mix, people will want to believe. That’s why millions of otherwise sane people shower this dunderdick with donations and prayer requests. They have troubles, real troubles, so they’ll latch onto anything that puts their minds at rest – even if he is some sort of Christian fakir.

“Them danged Mooslums want to build one of them heathen moss-quet things up at Ground Zero. That just chaps me raw,” they might say. “I wish I knew who was boin’ all this so I could keep and eye on ‘em”

And there, on the TV machine, is Franklin Graham. He’s possessed of a golden, silken tongue and he’s telling Mabel and Irv that the culprit is that damn half-breed Muslim/faux Christian President. “Far be it from me to say he’s a heathen,” he implies. “He SAYS he’s a Christian so we’ll just have to take his word, but (in a tiny voice) you know those Muslims lie a lot”.

Ignorance of this type has been around since the dawn of man – whether you believe that happened 400,000 years ago or 6,000 years ago. And shit-slingers like the Grahams have been around just as long, serving up streaming heaps of the best crap people want to believe.

So don’t be surprised at events like this. They will happen as long as there are people who want to volunteer as idiots and marginally smarter people who want to enable them.

And the worst part is the rubes refuse to see that shit for shinola is a lose/lose bet.

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Sharron Angle’s Black Day at Tonopah


Posted by Omnipotent Poobah

People of Nevada, I feel your pain. I get it. Really I do. It’s not like Harry Reid has been worth much as Senate leader and I’m sure he’s sucked just as bad as your personal Senator. But fer Chrissakes, couldn’t you come up with someone to run against him other than Sharron Angle? Someone respectable, you know smart and cultured – I’m thinking Rush Limbaugh.

Back in Black

BACK IN BLACK - Crusader for Merging of Church and State, Sharron Angle, once argued the color black was evil...however, not so evil as to avoid wearing it herself.

Angle is so spectacularly bad as a candidate and – well, let’s face it – quasi-sentient being that she actually makes The Grizzly Whisperer™ look like a genius. If you elect this woman to anything, much less the US Senate, your license plates will have to say, “Welcome to Nevada, the Moron State” as a matter of truth in advertising. And that’s saying something when you’re up against the competition from Texas and Arizona. I mean those people are real pros.

An Idiot That Keeps on Giving
Nary a day goes by that Over-Sharin’ Sharron doesn’t do or say something stupid. Reporters should only ask the questions she wants to hear and write stories that only she can approve. She thinks God called her to run for Senate, proving once again that God should hire a much better class of PR flaks for his domain. She doesn’t believe in the separation of church and state and accuses Democrats of being in violation of the First Amendment Commandment. Gadzooks Nevandans!

I’ve always believed that to be a success in life you shouldn’t compare yourself to others, but use a personal yardstick to compare yourself to what you are capable of.  Angle clearly has some sort of weird metric mojo going on when it comes to her personal yardstick.

Case in point : She denies it now, but back in 1992 she came out foursquare against the scourge of black. Not black as in African American (although she doesn’t seem like a BFF of them either). Not black as in Black Friday. Not even – to employ a Nevadaism – blackjack. No, Sharron Angle is against black…the color. Specifically, the color of football jerseys at Tonopah High.

It’s evil. It’s close to sacrilege she said of a move to change the school’s jerseys to red. So evil in fact that she agitated to have the change repealed, the jerseys seized and put under lock and key, and the kids who bought them left holding the bag because the school wouldn’t reimburse them.

I suppose we could infer from this that Sharron would lead the charge against all sorts of other “colorism” too.

The Amish Are Evil
Priests and ministers would have to exorcise their black vestments. Amish folks would have to wear hot pink (because we all know what raving, hell-raising devil-worshipers they are). Black Flag insecticide would be verboten and the Oakland Raiders banned from the football field – although some would think that an improvement.

I’m used to politicians saying and doing stupid things. It is what they do and you can expect a certain amount of that from the sheer volume of hogswallop they spew. Talk enough and you’re bound to look like a goob occasionally. It’s an occupational hazard. But I’m aghast to say she easily snatches the Scepter of Stupidity from Sarah Palin and Michelle Bachmann. Even the unholy Troika of  Trolldom, Ann Coulter, Michelle Malkin, and all the Fox News blondie bubbleheads rolled into one, run a distant second.

So people of Nevada, take mercy on the rest of us. Harry’s worthless, but at least he’s emasculate. Sharron is so stupid she might even figure out how to be dangerous – although I admit I may be giving her mental powers more credit than they deserve. Don’t elect this pinhead. We already have enough trouble as it is. Good God, Newt Gingrich might even make a comeback and that would be worse than a lifetime supply of Glenn Beck reruns!

Elect Sharron Angle and it will be a black day for us all.

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You Know You Might Be a Moderate If…


Posted by Omnipotent Poobah
Moderate Voter

THE AMERICAN POLITICAL PROCESS - What the hell, it's as good a reason as any. It's not like it means anything.

This is the last installment in our You Know You Might Be a (Fill in the Blank) If series. If you missed Parts 1 and 2, don’t forget to read:

You know you might be a moderate if you:

  • Are part of the undecided vote in every poll.
  • Wish you could vote by remote control so you wouldn’t have to miss a minute of Real Housewives of Cincinnati.
  • Only vote every third election, regardless of what kind of election it is or what kinds of initiatives are on the ballot.
  • Know so little about candidates that you vote for whoever appears at the top of the ballot.
  • Still vote for Pat Paulson just to piss off the real politicians.
  • You think the three branches of government are dumb, dumber, and dumbest.
  • You think Supreme Court decisions are based on rationality or fairness rather than the Constitution.
  • You think Congress sucks, but every time you see something screwed up you say, “There oughta be a law…”
  • You think that voters can vote on the constitutionality of laws.
  • Vote the way the last campaign worker outside the polls told you to.
  • Will only cast your vote if it doesn’t “cancel out” your spouse’s.
  • Find punch card ballots advanced technology.
  • Think all out war is justifiable until you find out how many people get killed and how much it costs.
  • You watch Katie Couric, Brian Williams, or Jay Leno for all your news.
  • Don’t watch the Daily Show because you don’t get the jokes.
  • Don’t realize the Daily Show is a comedy show.
  • Can’t drive a stick shift.
  • Love the in-depth articles in USA Today.
  • Are for something before you are against something, right after you were for it and against it simultaneously.
  • Are annoyed that ballots aren’t in multiple choice format.
  • Don’t know who Sarah Palin is.
  • When you find out who she is, you think you could vote for her because she has an honest face.
  • Think taxes are too high while voting for high-ticket ballot initiatives.
  • Don’t understand why they haven’t been able to find that Osama Bin Laden fella after all these years.
  • Don’t recognize the names Mitch McConnell, Harry Reid, or Nancy Pelosi, but can name all the judges and contestants to ever appear on So You Think You Can Dance.
  • Were going to vote, but hadn’t heard about it being election day.
  • Complain vociferously about policies and elected officials while ignoring the fact you didn’t vote.
  • Believe in term limits so you won’t have to vote as often.
  • Hate it when a Presidential address comes on and “ruins my shows”.
  • You carry more than $25,000 on your credit card and don’t understand how long it will take to pay it off in minimum payments.
  • You think the answer to paying off the debt on one credit card can be reduced by transferring it all to a new credit card with a 0.1% lower APR.
  • Can’t balance a checkbook (although this could also be equally true for liberals and conservatives).
  • Think war is imminent when a story appears saying the Pentagon has a war plan for invading North Korea without realizing they have constantly updated plans for every country on Earth…including Canada.
  • Think the mainstream media is too liberal.
  • Think the mainstream media is too conservative.
  • Think the mainstream media is both too conservative and too liberal at the same time.
  • Don’t know what the terms liberal and conservative mean.
  • Never read newspapers, magazines, or watch the news.
  • Complain Congress is made up of fat cats while voting for CEOs whose previous experience was turning their former companies into smoking holes in the ground while collecting a severance package greater than the GDP of Guatemala.
  • Complain about unions while taking time off from your 40-hour a week job to get company-supplied medical treatment for the black lung and crushed leg you got in a non-union coal mine.
  • Complain about executive compensation, but follow the company’s voting recommendation when the proxy statement for your 3 shares of AT&T shows up.
  • Thought Ted Stevens gave an enlightening explanation of the tubes and trucks that make up the Internet.
  • Spend a lot of time playing war-based video games while being undecided about Iraq and Afghanistan.
  • Couldn’t form an opinion if your life depended on it.
  • Don’t remember to mail in your absentee ballot until 3 months after the election after finding it in the junk drawer in your kitchen.
  • Appreciate the points from both right and left, but can’t vote because the positions seem so similar.
  • Think all Congressional votes are based on a simple majority.

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You Know You Might Be a Liberal If…


Posted by Omnipotent Poobah
Kiss Me I'm a Liberal

GEORGE SURE HAS CHANGED - To a liberal this is either the worst thing in the world that could happen or testament to the fact that progressive ideals are so powerful they can influence anyone.

Note: Turnabout is fair play, so enjoy this companion post to last week’s You Know You Might Be a Tea Partier If… And moderates, your turn will come soon too.

You know you might be a liberal if you:

  • Make protest signs with perfect grammar and spelling, but that quote Camus…in the original French.
  • You’re willing to fight an uphill election battle, but no one understands your commercials.
  • Think of your party’s Big Tent as a canopy for a reception party after a gay wedding.
  • Refer to George W. Bush as the Anti-Christ, but are incensed when the right calls Obama The Messiah™.
  • Protest horrible work conditions for migrant farm workers, hotel maids, and Chinese prison labor…by throwing a $500 per head cheese and wine tasting.
  • Advocate for homeless rights…provided they don’t live in your neighborhood.
Conservative Babes

CONSERVATIVES ARE HOTTER...

  • Want environmental protections for every species on Earth…except those icky bugs and snakes.
  • Drive to a protest about shipping jobs overseas in your BMW.
  • Have a secret desire to be black, but are ashamed that it comes from your mother teaching you they’re terrific dancers.
  • Think Native American lands should be returned to their original owners while forgetting your house stands on what was once a sacred burial site.
  • You don’t own a single American flag pin.
  • Think Keith Olbermann is the only “fair and balanced” newser on TV.
  • Think gun ownership should be forbidden, including all weaponry used by the Armed Forces.
  • Vacation in every foreign nation under the sun, but have never traveled to an adjacent state.
  • Get pissed because Republicans refer to it as the Democrat party instead of the Democratic party.
  • Spell “the” as “teh”.
  • Believe the First Amendment guarantees everyone’s right to free expression, but think “hate speech” a should be illegal.
  • Believe that foreign despots will go away if you ask nicely.
  • Want to declare war on Christmas.
  • Are in favor of building the Ground Zero mosque while arguing with the local planning commission over the amount of traffic the new church being built in your neighborhood will generate.
  • Think of Talking Points Memo as a legitimate news outlet.
  • Don’t grasp why unredacted CIA intelligence isn’t printed in the newspaper every day.
Liberals

...BUT LIBERALS ARE SMARTER

  • Believe you’re an “honorary lesbian” because of that little one-night stand you had while drunk in college.
  • Believe that little one-night stand you had while drunk in college was “fun”, but you’d never do it again in a million years.
  • Want to ban sugar, salt, and fat from foods, but eat bacon-wrapped hors d’ouvers and drink rum and Cokes at your neighbor’s party.
  • Think black-on-black crime is caused entirely by white people.
  • Think everyone in the Midwest is some sort of inbred goob even though you’ve never met anyone outside the Washington, DC metro area.
  • Decry Republicans playing politics while grousing about Obama’s tepid response to criticism.
  • Think Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton are qualified to talk about anything having to do with African Americans.
  • Think anyone to the left of Ed Schultz is a crazed wing nut.
  • Really hate it when people don’t refer to liberals as progressives.
  • Think banning all oil drilling by 2011 is the solution to America’s energy problems.
  • Protest human rights violations in Chad without being able to find it on a map.
  • Oppose the death penalty, but also protest the poor conditions in the nation’s prisons.
  • Claim to have lots of gay and black friends, but can’t remember their names when someone asks…not that there’s anything wrong with that.
  • Support awarding huge damage claims to people who’ve smoked 3 packs a day despite the fact they’ve known smoking is a deadly for their entire adult lives.
  • Believe that Republicans lie and Democrats have inconvenient truths.
  • Complain about the condition of America’s educational system while sending your own kids to private school.
  • Think all Republicans are corrupt and hypocritical.
  • Think Bill Clinton was impeached for a BJ instead of lying to a grand jury.
  • Think Michelle Malkin is cute enough to sleep with, but would never tell anyone because of her politics.
  • Feel inferior if you don’t have a master’s degree.
  • Protest the efforts to repeal the 14th Amendment, but are still pissed that the Equal Rights Amendment didn’t pass.
  • Believe that donating an hour per week teaching an inner city kid how to read is intrinsically more valuable than a wealthy person donating $1000 to the literacy program.
  • Hate being called a socialist.
  • Are a vegan, but hate the taste of tofu.
  • Drink soy milk in your $6 cup of coffee.
  • Think DADT is the biggest problem facing the nation today.
  • Believe Nancy Pelosi is the greatest Speaker in the history of the House.
  • Believe that only white people can be racist.
  • Don’t understand why the Ground Zero mosque is a touchy subject for some people.
  • Decry the loss of newspapers and magazines, but own 4 Kindles.
  • You find this post as funny as You Know You Might Be a Tea Partier If…

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