Monthly Archives: April 2010

SCOTUS v. Cameras: Techno-Dolts or Inocent Sausage Makers


Posted by Omnipotent Poobah
SCOTUS

MICROSOFT OUTLOOK v. SCOTUS - Are the Supremes just an band of ancient techno-dolts or do they ask seemingly stupid questions for a reason? You can't read the scorecard without the televised instant replay.

Many people wonder why the Supreme Court refuses to allow cameras in court. A recent exchange between the justices and lawyers hearing a sexting case might provide some clues – the back and forth hypothetical nature of questioning sometimes sounds, well, just plain loopy.

In the sexting case, the legal question was whether police officers could have a reasonable expectation of privacy when using their department-supplied pagers to text sexy messages to one another. Some of the justices asked questions that, on the surface, sounded as though they had graduated at the bottom of the class at the Ted Stevens University of Information Technology.

At one point, Chief Justice John Roberts asked about the difference between, “email and a pager”. Justices also asked what happened when two texts arrive at the same time. “Does it say: ‘Your call is important to us, and we will get back to you?” Justice Stevens asked. “Could Quon [one of the defendants] print these spicy little conversations and send them to his buddies?” Scalia asked.

One explanation for these somewhat surreal exchanges might be that even the middle aged Roberts understands little more about information technology than his more elderly peers. The other might be that Roberts and the other justices asked the questions not because they were oblivious, but because there was some rhetorical reason while arguing the case. Without the context a camera could provide, we lay people don’t know and, in fact, question what the hell is wrong with someone asking about the difference between email and a pager in the 21st Century.

The assumption in some media outlets was the Roberts and the rest of the SCOTUS gang were just plain stupid and I must admit I’m hard pressed to find a reason for Roberts’ question, reasonable or otherwise.

Most of the stories today didn’t give SCOTUS the benefit of the doubt. It makes for a more compelling story than assuming they really do know that they’re doing. I’m sure the justices were embarrassed by the tenor of the stories. No one likes to look like an idiot in front of the world and it might legitimately be a lack of understanding on the reporters’ part.

Perhaps, this is a subject the justices should reconsider in their own court. Is it worse to reveal the legal sausage making and potential embarrassment of open, televised court where a video feed might clarify things? Or, is it better to let people make their own conclusions about subjects that many of them are clueless about, even with the help of video technology?

If I was a justice, I’m afraid it would be a split decision.

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John Ensign Can’t Buy Friends, He Has No Money


Posted by Omnipotent Poobah

It's a Family Affair

IT'S A FAMILY AFFAIR: From left to right - John Ensign (Adulterer), Darlene Ensign (Aggrieved Wife), Darlene Hampton (Slut), and Doug Hampton (Cuckold)

As the old saying goes, 50,000 flies can’t be wrong. Then on the other hand, 49,999 of them could be right and one of them is just a wingnut. Meet Robert Donald who has the dubious distinction of being the sole contributor to Nevada Sen. John Ensign’s reelection campaign.

Ensign, the C-Street maven, adulterer, and all-round religiously kookie gadfly is the guy who borrowed $96,000 from Mom and Dad -  MOM! DAD! Get out your checkbook! – to pay off his paramour’s cuckold.

Donald isn’t a millionaire pal of Ensign’s angling to get health care quashed or block banking reform. Nope, Donald is just plain folks. A folk who tossed big money – two contributions of $25 each – into Ensign’s Reelect the Crapweasel slush fund. If he keeps it up, Ensign might be able to take his next mistress to dinner somewhere other than the Congressional Dining Room. Heck, 50-bucks isn’t even enough for Ensign to pay Mom and Dad back the interest on their “loan”.

All Men are Dogs, Says Man
But Donald is not only a happy contributor, but a bit of a cracker barrel philosopher too. “He did some bad things with his personal life,” Donald said. Besides, “all men are dogs, the way I look at it.” The mistress and Mrs. Ensign feel the same way, I’m sure.

Ensign can’t buy friends like Donald – literally. The Justice Department is looking into whether Mom and Dad’s “contribution” was illegal or any other ethics laws were broken. Perhaps ethics laws like sleeping with your friend’s wife and then putting her on the payroll for a job well done.

But Donald is loyal, if a bit of a cheapskate. “As a senator, he’s doing the right thing, ” Donald said. “He votes the right way.” Of course, you’d never know it by his fellow Republicans who are shunning him like a heretic in front of the Mormon Tabernacle.

There are plenty of cases of Escaped Dick Syndrome in Washington – “if you have an erection lasting longer than 2 terms, contact your doctor – this is only one of them. Overall, the public seems to be getting immune to stories like this. For the most part, no one cares except Pat Robertson and he only cares when it’s a Democrat.

Feather Dusters Stuck Up Ancient, Wrinkly Bums
We’re becoming more French or Italian in that we accept powerful men with mistresses as the way of the world. After all, it’s not like they’re British politicians who are more frequently caught wearing fishnets, clucking like chickens, and running around the halls of Parliament with feather dusters stuck up their ancient, wrinkly bums.

Of course, you could quibble that Ensign and the rest of the pious C-Street Rat Pack should be reprimanded for hypocrisy with oak leaf clusters. But then if having a mistress – which effects no one other than them – is the worst thing they do I’d call it a good, though, low-paying day.

Ensign’s fund-raising performance is so grotesquely bad it’s funny. Mainstream Republicans and Teabaggers alike hate him and by comparison, fellow Nevada Sen. Harry Reid looks like a frickin’ genius, which is no small feat. It’s also bittersweet that poor old Robert Donald is standing by him like a dog waiting on the train platform for a master who’ll never come.

After all, he can’t.  Fifty bucks ain’t enough for a ticket.

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Lindsey Graham: In the Log Cabin or Out?


Posted by Omnipotent Poobah

Vanity FairWhat with all the sign waving, no saying, and anti-regulating, Republicans are working up a fierce appetite – so fierce, in fact, they’re even beginning to eat their own. At a recent tea party, the baggers brewed up a nice strong pot of orange pekoe, crooked their pinkies, and proceeded to dig into a rump roast ala Lindsey Graham.

Graham for some inexplicable reason is considered a moderate by those somewhere to the right of Genghis Kahn. Although, Graham’s the one who said, “Nancy Pelosi, I think, has got them all liquored up on sake and you know, they’re making a suicide run here,” about Democrats during the health reform debate. He also called the legislation “crap”. Those don’t seem like Obamunist statements to me, but there you go.

You’re Worse Than Barney Frank!
At a recent bag-u-partay William Gheen, head of the Americans for Legal Immigration PAC (ALIPAC), called for Graham to “come forward and tell people about your alternative lifestyle and your homosexuality”.  Piling insult upon injury he also said, “Barney Frank is more honest and brave than you.”

Oooo, SNAP! That’s gotta hurt!

It’s not clear how being gay is connected to illegal immigration, or much else for that matter, but clearly Teabaggers – oops, Tea Partiers…the “bagger” nickname offends their delicate sensibilities like, well, gay people – think so.

Odds bodkins man! Them’s fightin’ words down South Carolina way. It’s one thing to call a fellow Republicrat a “librul moderate” or a Muslim, it’s another to call the man queer. Why that’s the lowest insult you can hurl at your fellow flag pin buddy, especially a veteran who clearly violated Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell by not shouting, “I’m here! I’m queer! And, I look fabulous in camo!” from the floor of the Senate.

“Look, I’m a tolerant person,” Gheen preened. “I don’t care about your private life, Lindsey. But as our US senator, I need to figure out why you’re trying to sell out your own countrymen, I need to make sure you being gay isn’t it.”

I'm a Nelly BottomPoor Lindsey, hoist on his own peter – er, petard – by the so very “tolerant” Mr. Gheen. Clearly, there’s about as much chance of Teddy Graham wiggling off Gheen’s hook as there is for Obama to “prove” he’s not a “Mooslim Kenyatan” to people who think the Earth was brought by a stork sent from God. I suspect that even if Graham did some public belly-bumping with Barney Frank he’d still be called something else – an Obama sympathizer or some other awful epithet for example. Once the baggers don’t like you, they’ll treat you like the ugly, least fashionable girl at a sorority dance – with about as much provocation.

Take It From One Blowhard to Another
Lindsey, I know this is bad. No one with an ounce of sense cares whether you’re gay, straight, or pre-op lesbian hermaphrodite – especially when its mysteriously linked to illegal immigration. It must be awful to be pummeled by allegations that aren’t true, even if there’s nothing wrong with you if they are. But this is one of these times that your arch foe, The Messiah™, might call “a teaching moment”. You can learn plenty from this blowhard bellowing to his fellow blowhards about the other blowhards, like you, they don’t like.

You can learn that it doesn’t feel so great when someone singles you out, deprives you of your right to free expression, and laughs in your face while they do it. You now know a little something about what it means to drummed out of the military, prevented from marrying, and having your ass-kicked in just about every ‘burg in the State of Wyoming. Just remember this the next time you mount your high-horse to oppose discrimination legislation of any kind.

It sucks to be persecuted for something that is no one else’s damn business.

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Randomness: Bad Sushi Style


Posted by Omnipotent Poobah
Rectum Bar

GRUNT...GRUNT...UHHHHH! - There are two things you should never watch, sausage making and sausage digesting. Clik photo for more >>

Dispatches From the Land of the Rising Sun

When Electromechanical Devices Attack!

Capitalism: Nailing Two Random Things Together to Sell for a Buttload

Just Your Every Day WTF

  • There’s just something wrong about that Miley Cyrus kid that I can’t quite put my finger on.
  • At times, Rick found working in the prison license plate shop boring, but luckily there was the occasional special order.
  • The new Jeep gets an efficient 3 inches per 600 gallons.
  • After Jamil stayed on the back of a camel for three weeks, Dolly looked pretty good. Interesting True Fact: The most popular search on this blog is “horse sex” and odder still is that more than 80% of the searches come from the Middle East. Just sayin’.
  • T’was a wise woman indeed that imparted these words…Not Safe For Work AAG Always Aroused Girl
  • Even insects realized Billy was a little effeminate.
  • I’m sorry Susan, that’s just bathtub ring.
  • CAUTION: Use of this product by complete morons is strictly prohibited. P.S. Watch out for paper cuts from this warning label.
  • Hah! And they say trans-fats are dangerous.
  • Proof the Jesus Christ-ians don’t have a leg to stand on when it comes to Darwinism.
  • Yet another reason the Dove Awards never caught on.

Crime, It’s Not Just for the Smart Anymore

  • In hindsight, Daniel realized his idea was bad, but at the time it just seemed so damned good.
  • In Alaska, it’s illegal to look at a moose from an airplane, but as Sarah Palin proved, it’s OK to shoot a wolf from one.

Ooooo, Daddy Liiike

  • Watch out lady, you could put someone’s eye out with those things! Not Safe For Work
  • The older John got, the less he could tell whether women were getting kinkier or he was getting weirder. Not Safe For Work

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The Rock Star Speaks


Posted by Omnipotent Poobah
Rock On

OR AT LEAST HER CONTRACTS DO - Poor Sarah, it seems like controversy follows her like a calf looking for a momma moose. Bendy straws, plush rooms, and high-flyin' jets are all in a day's work for the rock star of the teabaggers.

The Rock Star of the Tea Party set, Sarah Palin – remember when they called Obama that? Ah, good times…good times – has been invited to speak at Cal State University, Stanislaus. With sky-high speaking fees –up to $100K per – many are asking why a terrifically under-funded college would spend so much on so little.

Since the news of the invite broke, the nation has also learned the ex-salmon fisherwoman and half-term governess has raked in a cool $12 million in speaking fees. Whoo Hoo! The lucky Ex-First Dood can say goodbye to the salmon boat and his part-time job on the North Slope and daughter Bristol can hire enough lawyers to make her Baby Daddy go away so she can belatedly practice the abstinence birth control method she now pitches.

Many were also aghast at the rumored riders to Palin’s speaking contract. Clearly having gotten used to Republican-funded wardrobes, her demands included first-class airfare to California, or a private aircraft equal to or larger than a 6-7 seat Lear 60. She also demanded bendy straws and two bottles of water at the podium along with two suites and two single rooms in a deluxe hotel. Having been to Turlock I can tell you she may be out of luck on that. The Red Roof Inn doesn’t have suites as far as I know.

Caution: Moonbeam Walkin’
As a result of the kerfuffle, State Senator Leland Yee has demanded copies of the contract and California AG Jerry “Moonbeam” Brown pledges an investigation.

Oh yeah, and a copy of Palin’s contract conveniently appeared in a shred bin on a day when the office was closed due to budget-driven furloughs. Officials say they routinely shred documents they no longer need – although it isn’t clear why a contract for a speech that hasn’t happened yet by a speaker as controversial as this is no longer needed.Those officials now claim the documents they refused to release were stolen.

Although I can think of few wastes worse than spending $100K on Palin, I have to admit I’m on her side this time.

First, the $500-a-seat event isn’t being thrown by CSUS, but by a foundation that supports the school. There’s some question about whether the foundation must comply with the same sunshine laws that govern the state university, so Leland and Jerry may not have a leg to stand on. However in lieu of a formal legal decision, I’m willing to give them the benefit of the doubt. Plus depending on the venue, they could make a tidy sum that would presumably go to the grossly under-funded school.

As for the riders, demanding bendy straws and deluxe accommodations is pretty tame stuff compared to rock bands’ riders demanding things like 6 bowls of M&Ms with all the green ones removed by hand or dozens of bottles of water obtained from a private spring owned by the Dali Lama. As for the $100K, it’s not out of line for some celebrities. After all, nothing says a speaker must be intelligent, or intelligible, for that matter.

Free Speech vs. Free Speech
This is, after all, a free country that guarantees free speech (meaning open speech as opposed to ludicrously expensive “free” speech). The foundation, or for that matter the university itself, can invite her to speak and can spend oodles of money to boot. Although, I’d be a little pissed over that after getting socked by successive tuition increases of 20% and 35% for my daughter’s education at another CSU.

Unless I’ve missed something, it doesn’t appear anyone has been proven to have done anything illegal – although the shredding is a little troubling. But, people who would invite a nitwit like Palin to speak aren’t the sharpest tools in the shed so they may well have shredded the contract innocently.

For her part, the Palinator is uncharacteristically quiet. No harangues against the eastern – or in this case, western – elites. No rants about the media blowing the whole thing out of proportion. Hell, she hasn’t even mentioned Bill Ayers or the Obamunist once.

So in view of that silence I’d say the speaking fees may have well been worth it.

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