TICKLE ME ERIC - Constituents line up for a turn in the tickle pit with former Rep. Eric Massa. Massa says charges that he engaged in homosexual conduct are lies perpetrated by Sen. Harry Ried (D-Spinelessylvania). However, the unidentified man in the kilt explained that he and the Congressman were merely trying to determine what a Scottsman wears under his kilt.

You know you’re an asshat when Glenn Beck feels the need to apologize for your sorry ass.

Rep. Eric Massa (D-East Gayberstan) is at the center of one of those train wrecks in which the person caught doing something stupid tries to save himself by fanning the flames.

The facts of the Congress-o-loon’s fall from grace are straight forward enough, but the legs, pace, and complexities of the unraveling stories aren’t. Ostensibly, Massa allegedly tickled and made sexual advances toward staff members of the opposite marrying kind (H/T to Carrie Prejean and her marvelous language skills). It’s unclear if the “victims” consented or not.

But, consent doesn’t matter and neither did Larry King asking him if he was gay. If he yearns to slap and tickle a co-dude, then more power to him. That’s between him and the ticklee. It’s a common enough fetish, for both gays and straights.

At this point, had Massa simply said, “You know what, I’m stupid,” everything would have been OK. But instead, he chose to tell a story about fellow Dems forcing him out because he wanted to vote against healthcare reform. Dodging the spotlight by turning it on yourself is hardly a brilliant damage control strategy – but he plowed on like the Titanic.

He told the story. Then, he retracted it.

Then, he told it again.

Then, he retracted it again.

Rinse and repeat.

Beck had the misfortune to interview Massa somewhere about here. By this time the air was so thick with innuendo, conflicting stories, and untruths that even a master of subterfuge and obfuscation, like Beck, couldn’t make sense of it.

New stories are now surfacing that he participated similar recreational activities in the Navy and I’m sure there’ll be more edits and multiple retractions to that story. It’s as thin as Larry Craig‘s infamous wide stance. Massa could say, “The sky is blue,” and no one would believe him now.

Massa has exceptionally poor critical thinking skills and a penchant to compensate with even more lackluster critical thinking skills. In short, he’s an imbecile and NY is well-shed of him. At this point, replacing Massa with Jim Bunning would be an improvement and I wouldn’t vote for him as Douchebag-in-Chief, despite his obvious world-class qualifications and experience.

Eric, for the love of God, shut up before you get yourself in more trouble.

Stop, drop, and roll will ya?

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Tags: Crapweasels, Critical thinking, Eric Massa, Glenn Beck, Jim Bunning, Larry Craig, Politics, sex fetish, tickle