Monthly Archives: March 2010

Curse You Father for You Have Sinned


Posted by Omnipotent Poobah
It's All Your Fault

THE SEXY LITTLE SCAMP DID IT! - The Vatican and it's apologists are doing everything possible to blame someone else for rampant sex abuse by priests. What's next, blame the victim?

Catholic League President and Vatican apologist, Bill Donohue, has stepped into the church’s molestation scandal to make things worse, as if they weren’t bad enough already. With the Pope’s mitre caught in the wringer, Donohue took a page from the Karl Rove political playbook – blame everyone except yourself. Catholicism has officially become a “no fault” religion.

Donohue’s “logic” about responsibility for the crisis is tortured at best. He starts the finger pointing with the New York Times (why is it always the media’s fault) for calling the mess a “pedophilia” crisis. His implied logic is that most of the victims were post-pubescent. Does he believe it’s somehow less of a sin to molest someone who shaves regularly than to play grab ass with a kid who’s still in elementary school? I’m sure all those victims, including the post-pubescent kids and adults who were molested, will be greatly relieved to find out they weren’t “abused” after all.

“Oops, our bad Mr. Pope sir,” they’ll surely say. “Now that Mr. Donohue has explained it, I guess it wasn’t molestation at all. Father Damian just took off my clothes and read me Bible stories. The sodomy afterwards was just his way of saying AMEN.”

But the New York Times and post-pubescent kids aren’t the only bad guys. As with many things in society, the gays are also at fault. “While homosexuality does not cause predatory behavior, and most gay priests are not molesters, most of the molesters have been gay,” he said.

Huh?

So, if being gay isn’t a sign of predatory behavior, why is it important that most of the molesters – or predators as he calls them – have been gay? I’m not seeing the fine distinction between a run of the mill “molester” and a “molester” who “preys” upon victims.

Priests Gone Wild

The only thing missing are the Mardi Gras beads.

Furthermore, the Catholic Church considers homosexuality a sin. If priests – supposedly good role models for the people they minister – are committing sins, why would Ratzie continue to let them represent the church? If a priest denounced the Pope as an ugly, dangerous crapweasel with flamboyant fashion sense, I’m guessing there would be, pardon me, hell to pay…although, I would reward him for his honesty.

In fact, why is the Catholic Church investigating itself at all? Child molestation – or rape for the over-puberty set – is against the law. Why are the molesters being protected and aren’t those protectors guilty of conspiracy? If secular police aren’t going to enforce these crimes, are they going to ignore someone who kills a parishioner during morning mass?

Donohue’s explanations are about as logical as Creationism. If anyone is guilty of a sin, Donohue, the Pope, and his personal ring-kissers are right up there with the molesters. So riddle me this, if homosexuals aren’t predators, but can be molesters, couldn’t grown men dressed in white muumuus, dripping gaudy jewelry, and wearing funny red hats be called homosexuals – especially when they show all the self-loathing homophobia common in closeted homosexuals?

“Curse you Father for you have sinned.”

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Ball Gags and Congress: Legislating Morals is Stupid


Posted by Omnipotent Poobah
Do It, Do It, Do It Till You're Satisfied

ONE'S AS BAS AS THE OTHER - Sexual scandals hit both parties equally. This time it's Michael Steele and the Republicans, next week it will be a kinky Democrat with the self control of Tiger Woods or Jesse James.

Update Shameless self-promotion for my post  At the Tipping Point Between Free Speech and Deadly Speech. The Hartford Courant gave it a shout out and made some excellent points on the same topic. They also expanded the use of one of my favorite words, “crapweasel”. You can’t ask for any more than that.

Now, back to today’s post already in progress.

Tip O’Neill, former Speaker of the House, once said, “all politics is local”, but in today’s heated and converging political grudge matches it’s also correct to say, “all sexual politics is local”.

Gay marriage? Some states are on the bandwagon. Some steadfastly refuse. Others are rethinking previous positions and ballot initiatives on the issue. Meanwhile, gays flock to states to join together in unions that some men still try to put asunder and wait to see if their own states will recognize what they’ve done.

One step forward 1.5 steps back as they say.

Gays in the military? The Obama administration is finally thawing their tepid policy to pay back an important political chit donated by most of the nation’s gays – though not as fast as they’d hoped.

A Homophobic Teddy Roosevelt and His Rough Riders
The pro-discrimination side charges the San Juan Hill of the issue like a band of rough riding, homophobic Teddy Roosevelts. Even the Joint Chiefs and other top brass can’t agree. Ex-General John Sheehan accused the Dutch army of genocide in Srebrenica and blamed it all on “the gays”. He now finds himself apologizing over the international incident under threat of a lawsuit.

Change of heart? Don’t be surprised if it’s merely a case of hypocritical mega-embarrassment and big legal bills.

Over on the other side, the Secretary of Defense is loosening restrictions. Other generals are jumping aboard a bandwagon most other industrialized nations are already on and there is growing support in the electorate.

Many of those opposed to sexual rights – like South Africa’s electric probe wielding, alleged gay soldier-curing “Dr. Shock” – are clearly as full of sexual self-loathing as Ted Haggard. But ironically, the latest hetero sex scandal is a good illustration of how gender and politics frequently try to occupy the same place in America.

Elephant DildoA Republican National Committee staffer treated some Young Eagle donors to a night of bondage a-go-go after an official RNC event. That’s pretty heavy stuff from the party of running away from regular sex like the plague, then jumping into a private jet (probably on loan from a bank or insurance company) to escape kinky sex. Gay sex? They take a rocket to the closest toilet stall.

Young Eagles Take Flight on RNC Dime
Personally, I don’t care if Young Eagles like the occasional ball-gag or lesbian flogging session. It’s their business to choose what they do in the privacy of a strip club. I also don’t care that the RNC spent money on it, except to the extent that it helps show a pattern of hypocrisy – oh, and because it makes fools of them too.

The Whitest Black Man in America, RNC “leader” Michale Steele, claims he knew nothing about the incident and fired the staffer as soon as he found out. Good. They guy should be fired.

However, because Steele was at the helm he should also accept responsibility to do like every other business in the nation does and instruct employees to not  be $2000 worth of strip club stupid. Other Republicans are emerging from their undisclosed locations where they’re hiding from the hypocrisy to flame the unpopular Steele. This may be the straw that breaks his back.

Let’s face it, both sides have these incidents. Both sides hide their embarrassment, but ignore it long enough to go do the same things as soon as the scandal du jour blows over. Both sides demonstrate the stupidity, critical thinking skills, and general ass-hattedness of Tiger Woods or Jesse James. Sooner or later idiotic behavior catches up to them – usually in horrific embarrassment, divorce, and career ruination.

Ye reap what ye sew.

These examples happen to be Republican, but Dems shouldn’t cackle too loudly. They’ve been caught – and will continue to be caught – in similar situations. The nation has its hands more than full with real problems and can ill afford to spend so much time trying to legislate moral issues. Sex should concern no one other the folks doing it.

It’s time to leave TMZ to embarrass the knotheads if they persist in being ignoramuses and keep our noses out of it.

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Randomness: Tipping the Hat Fantastic Style


Posted by Omnipotent Poobah
The Gum Wad That Ate Venice

HUBBA BUBBA - A giant wad of gum takes over Venice. A giant shoe avoided it by stepping into a pile of dog crap instead. Click photo for more >>

Tipping the Hat Fantastic to Jr. Poobahs Everywhere

Just Another Day in the Intertubes

  • Knowing about this in no way made it sexier. Erg. Sigh.
  • A K-9 not clear on the concept of “police dog“.
  • The Vagina Monologues in 16 acts. Not Safe For Work
  • That”ll show those wimpy-assed Christians.
  • Thou shalt worship no idols before me…except on Tuesday when it’s Bajang Day.
  • Terrorists from the Bovine Liberation Front terrorize America’s heartland with special bombs and we don’t hear a peep from Dick Cheney? What’s up with that?
  • “Markus” discovers that his chosen profession had been ruined by amateurs who’d do the same thing for free.
  • From the looks of it, the world would be a better place if they just stayed under wraps.
  • And the worst part is, the Resse’s Pieces pellets all over campus are really disgusting.
  • Can’t….look….a…way.
  • This “Me Bot” thing could hold some promise. Just set it on autopilot and kiss all those boring meetings goodbye.
  • God doesn’t hate fags, he hates idiots. GO JASON!
  • Scientists recreate the face of Jesus, but onlookers don’t recognize it because it’s not on a piece of toast.
  • There’s a great exhibit of 19th century plumbing expressionism at the Guggenheim.
  • Automated celebrities, what will they think of next?
  • I’m sure they’re cool and all, but £3600 for something that could give you splinters in embarrassing spots seems a bit steep. Not Safe For Work
  • “Good evening. On our menu tonight, we have little green balls of death in a sauce beurre with haricot verts and sardines. Bon appetite!”
  • Stayin’ sharp with Sharpies.
  • “Is this Chicken of the Sea or just chicken?” Jessica asked. No Jessica, it’s a picture of a woman who likes to fart, which probably makes her as attractive to some men as her unbelievably huge hooters. And, it’s another picture of someone so gullible she’ll puncture an ear drum rather than listen to her own music. Oh never mind, Jessica. Yes, it’s chicken.
  • I really did not need to know how to do this.
  • Finally, a theatre seat smarter than the dumb ass using her cell phone sitting in it.
Nice Frock

NICE OUTFIT - The principal has been playing in the theatre department's make up kit again. Click photo for more >>

You Have to be a Bit Nutty to Be a Criminal Anyway

  • In his defense, it was Feb. 3 and Donald just thought it was Opossum Day.
  • Will you damn teabaggers take it easy before you hurt someone.

Japan, the Asian Paradise

More Crap the World Can Do Without

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Randomness: Lady Gaga Style


Posted by Omnipotent Poobah
Canadian Water Polo

LONDON 2012 CALLING - The Canadians are convinced their women's water polo team can do for that sport what it did for curling. Click photo >>

Too Much of a Bad Thing Makes You Go GagA

They Blinded Us With Science

The Triumph of the Capitalist Will

Huh?

Geeks With a Traveling Show

  • SEXUAL HIJINKS

    SEXUAL HIJINKS - Perhaps Larry Craig was telling the truth that he really is heterosexual. Click photo >>

    Researchers discover a new syndrome, “quadratit” .

  • Finally, there’s hope for those who couldn’t find their scrotum with a flashlight.
  • Obama thought he needed a new plan to bail out underwater mortgages, then the light came on…Octomom and remained on!
  • Laaaadeeees and gentlemen, let’s give it up for…Jerkin for Money! Not Safe For Work
  • Yet another reason the West never really had anything to fear from the Soviet Union.
  • Some of these people shouldn’t be into cosplay or any other kind of play for that matter.
  • He felt the power of a thousand men, then discovered he left his pants at home. Needless to say, the whole thing then fell apart. Not Safe For Work
  • Colin was really proud of his motorcycle gang, “Hell’s Scooters“.
  • It turns out Padit was right to be sceptical – Sanal really couldn’t kill him.
  • Rush Limbaugh’s voice might kill beetles, but snakes in the grass use it to stimulate breeding.
  • Beatrice had some impressive skills, unfortunately she could find absolutely no use for them.
  • Fifteen minutes can save you 15% or more gekccos.
  • Ah one, and ah twowa, and ah…hey! Does anyone have a burrito handy? A Tip of the Hat to Bill Straub (Bill “Jersey” Straub)
  • When you worship Britain’s Prince Phillip, you should question the role of religion in your life…but Camilla Parker-Bowles is an entirely different matter.

Crimes of Witless Passion

It’s Not Just the Japanese Language That’s the Barrier

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Papal Infallibility Not All It’s Cracked Up to Be


Posted by Omnipotent Poobah

WATCH OUT JOHNNY - The sex abuses in the Catholic church must stop.

With the number of abuse cases at the hands of the randy hobbits of the Catholic Church, it sometimes seems as if every altar boy in the western hemisphere has been touched, pinched, chased around the sanctuary, or introduced to a smidge of priestly BDSM on the down low.

A handful of these cases would be outrageous, thousands of them intolerable. Yet, the Church continues to stonewall investigations and do little or nothing to the priests involved. I don’t think harboring them in secret and periodically moving them to a new parish so they can groom a new crop of tender young lads is exactly what Jesus would’ve done.

Sorry, Our Bad
But now, the Pope his ownself is implicated in keeping the problem secret and perhaps lying about it. Meanwhile, his church is fracturing while his earthly minions protect his vestment-swaddled rump instead of doing right by their flock. His response?  Sorry, our bad.

That whole papal infallibility thing is a sweet deal when your impiety is showing, eh Ratzie?

The Pope may believe he’s above the fray and that somehow being God’s personal PR man on Earth makes it OK. I get the whole contrition thing. After all, that’s how the church justified keeping the abusers under wraps. Hate the sin, love the sinner – victims, apparently, need not apply.

Unfortunately, sins don’t have the same concept of  “special circumstances” as secular justice does. If ever cases begged for something extra to be tied onto the Big Sins, it’s these. Children (God’s I presume) were abused, sometimes repeatedly. Their abusers lied about it. When caught, the church covered for them. When the number of cases reached critical mass, Vatican leaders – up to and possibly including the Pope – covered for them and worsened the effect to the power of 10.

The church seems to be racking up the charges like some loon on America’s Stupidest Car Chases.

How about the hypocrisy? The church preaches that homosexuality is a sin and that sex is only to procreate junior converts for the fold.

What About the Victims?
And what of the victims? They’ve been sentenced to emotionally scared lives without – unlike their abusers – the possibility of parole. They must endure opening themselves up to ridicule and having their legal claims denied or suffer in silence rather than invite the wrath of the Holy See.

TIME FOR CONFESSION - Hate the sin, love the victim.Where’s the outrage? Former Senator Rick Santorum, an allegedly pious Catholic, suggested that “man on dog” sex would result if sodomy laws were repealed and homosexuals conducted their sex lives as they saw fit. I haven’t heard him speak out about the priests. Are only secular homosexuals indictable under this sin Rick?

What about Catholics? Don’t parishioners have an obligation or at least desire to make the church a better, more loving place? If the Vatican refuses, can’t individual parishes give them a place where they can receive kindness and love rather than a hand on their crotch?

What about protestants? They aren’t taking to the streets to protest the Pope’s actions. They should remember that the next time they feel obliged to preach at Muslims for being evil because some of their number are bomb-toting idiots.

Right now, the Vatican is operating more like a political party than a church. The spin goes on. The “Heckuva job Ratzies” are being broadcast.  The Vatican’s damage control is the same as the Bush Administration’s after Katrina (and I don’t mean the physical kind either) – bad. The Pope and other church officers must stand up and take full responsibility – financial, moral,and spiritual. They need to resign and fight for the justice due the victims.

Your Holiness, you’d better act soon, before it’s too late, or you’ll not only suffer God’s wrath, but the temporal world’s as well.

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