Like Selling Refrigerators to the Eskimos
- She’s like a virgin except not in the wholesome Madonna sort of way.
- She’s just like Malibu Barbie, except with thick glasses, no tan, and a better attitude.
- Dog is my dearly departed copilot.
- Advertising for the tea party set.
- Ten thousand tools in the damn thing and it still doesn’t have Bluetooth.
- It’s like getting screwed all the way to the afterlife.
- It’s little wonder Victorian women were so shy about sex.
- I will respectfully refrain from any and all “you go girl” jokes.
The Political Realm
- If Oprah can do it, so can Sarah. I can’t wait to see the Hockey Mom’s recipie for moose mousse. (Zaius Nation)
- I won’t ask so please, I’m begging you, don’t tell.
That Clanking You Hear is the Sound of the Future
- What do you mean “own”? Robots are their own masters.
- Curiosity killed the robot.
- Gadabout Gaddis would so have a hard-on for these fish.
- He may not be as impressive as the real RoboCop, but he gets the job done.
Who Are These People and Why are They Allowed to Breed?
- Snooki is such a refined lady.
- John Mayer, may be a klassy guy (spelled with a “K”), but he’s one lucky sumbitch.
- Hilary was none too happy when she discovered what her uncle Ken left her in the will.
- Yeah, yeah, we all know the answer to what a man wears under his kilt…but it’s still cool to see it again.
- Hard Hitting Journalism: True stories of “the Littlest Gosselin“. And by Littlest Gosselin we don’t mean this dude.
- This never happens on ESPN, even at the Olympics.
- Just remember, they all came for a good cause.
- Beth, that’s one mighty fine husband you got there.
- More proof that a college education is a waste on some people.
- Suddenly, someone shouted out to no one in particular, “WOULD YOU LOOK AT THE MOOSE KNUCKLE ON ELVIS!“
- In the doctors’ defense, they weren’t really looking for golf balls.
- The advantages of having really good neighbors.
- At first Patrick was a little pissed, but then he logged onto prostheticsexchange.com and everything turned out all right.
- Patients usually didn’t select Dr. Phelps for his bedside manner.
Square Pegs in Search of Round Holes
- Throw another ‘roo on the barbie mate!
- He Wenjun gave up on painting the Lord’s Prayer on grains of rice early in life.
- It’s a pretty impressive laser, but somehow it doesn’t seem very efficient.
- You can never have too many Jesus sightings. Or notes to the big guy either.
- Ronald Reagan single-handedly cause the break up of the Soviet Union by simply deflating them.
- Ever since Oprah talked about her “va-jay-jay” on TV, women felt the need to come out of the closet about their own.
- New moons rising.
True Crime = True Stupidity
- Patrons did say the stripper had a really hot act.
- Apparently not everyone was “shovel ready” during Snowpacalypse.
- In his defense, the TVs were all running those annoying Walmart ads with the smiley faces at the time.
- In his inebriated state, Jamie thought they were trying to put the alcohol back in.
- And you thought banning gay marriage was crazy.
- Thank God they were only violations, I thought he was into something really kinky.
- Austin didn’t feel as though he should have been arrested. “When you gotta go, you gotta go” was his motto.
- Original reports indicated the culprit was Mike Tyson and a chunk of ear, but the police finally straightened everything out.
- That darn cat has 9 sex lives.
The Land of the Weirdly Rising Sun
- Clearly, the Japanese are wrapped way too tight, but that’s no reason not to make a buck off it.
- One possible explanation for the suicide rate.
- Whatever you say about the Japanese, you do have to admire their woodworking skills.
- Apparently, they get Americans to do these things because the Japanese are too dignified.
- Jack, from Jack in the Box, apparently has a black head in Japan.
- More Omnipotent Randomness (omnipotentpoobah.com)
- John Mayer and Playboy, Part 2: The self-loathing Twitterpology (latimesblogs.latimes.com)
- Paris Hilton May Have Gotten Drunk on Valentine’s Day, Whereas Britney Spears Just Ate McDonald’s [Gossip Roundup] (gawker.com)
- The “I Actually Like John Mayer” Post (mrsmogul.blogspot.com)
- Snowpocalypse Knows Not the Divide Between Celebrity and Mortal, Lady Gaga and Jersey Shore [Gossip Roundup] (gawker.com)
- Christian Louboutin’s Second Designer Barbie Unveiled (shoppingblog.com)
- The 9 Douchiest Things John Mayer Has Ever Said (huffingtonpost.com)
- A Letter From A Guy Who Had Sex With A Girl He Has Never Met (worldofalbert.blogspot.com)
- Proto-2 Humanoid Robot (ubergizmo.com)
- John Mayer-McCheese In Blackface x Oprah Doesn’t Approve John Mayer’s N-Word Pass, Will Not Have Him On Her Show (shabooty.com)