Monthly Archives: January 2010

Randomness: Randomly Random Style


Posted by Omnipotent Poobah
CAUTION, OBVIOUS SIGHT GAG - "Would you look at the rack on her!"

CAUTION, OBVIOUS SIGHT GAG - "Would you look at the rack on her!"

Random Randomness Randomly Randomized

Domo Arigato

Proof the American Consumer is Batshit Crazy

Related articles


Randomness: Keyword Sex Style


Posted by Omnipotent Poobah
TANKS FART THE MEMORIES - Balloon Dad finds his next reality show project...Cows From Space!

TANKS FART THE MEMORIES - Balloon Dad finds his next reality show project...Cows From Space!

Bring on the Search Engines! Sex, Sex, Sex!

Goobs Around the Globe

Continue reading →


Timmy Has Fallen Down the Well


Posted by Omnipotent Poobah
A GOOD SWIFT KICK - Between Wall St. greed and Treasury Tim Geithner, it's time to kick Timmy to the curb and do an America's Funniest Home Video crotch kick on Wall St.

A GOOD SWIFT KICK - Between Wall St. greed and Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner, America is hip deep in bull shite. It's time to kick Timmy to the curb and do an America's Funniest Home Video crotch kick on Wall St.

Through long and ignominious tradition, the US has selected people for cabinet and top departmental leadership positions based on a combination of nepotism and party loyalty. Products of this system include such luminaries as the hapless former FEMA director, Michael Brown, a man singularly unqualified for the important position he filled. But sometimes there are qualified cabinet nominees installed for all the wrong reasons. Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner is a useful example.

Not many people argue that he doesn’t have good qualifications, at least on paper. He is exceptionally well-educated and filled several top or near-the-top posts in a variety of capacities, including Chairman of the New York Federal Reserve. But, it’s precisely his former position as FedChair that is troubling.

Federal Reserve chairs are intricately tied to Wall Street movers and shakers. It’s inevitable that architects of monetary policy be on a first name basis with CEOs from Goldman Sachs or Citibank. In fact, this isn’t an altogether bad thing. A “friendly” suggestion sometimes goes farther than a kick in the pants when you’re trying to get something done. But sometimes, the relationship gets a little too chummy.

Lassie, Timmy’s Fallen Down the Well!
Unfortunately, Timmy fell down the well when he “solved” the financial crisis in favor of Wall St. After all, that’s the way he usually did things in his previous job. He relied on what he knew instead of what he needed to learn and left Main St. holding the empty bag. He forgot that those who regulate and those who are regulated need some semblance of an adversarial relationship. Otherwise, those being regulated will steal you blind.

Stop the Plunder

Stop the Plunder

Timmy has some other bad traits too. He frequently promises things and then fails to follow up. In the beginning, he agreed that the one thing that would happen for sure was cracking down on greedhead CEOs and making sure the money being handed out was being spent on increasing lending. Good promises maybe, but a distinct lack of meaningful execution.

Geithner also has a penchant for secrecy that would make the Bushies blush. It appears he’s made side deals and bad deals and protected himself by telling the beneficiaries of the deals to keep mum. Though there may have been some rational reasons for the secrecy – for example, preventing a run on banks – had he not made the deals there would’ve been no reason to hide.

Bring Us the Head of Timothy Geithner
Many are calling for Geithner’s head – as well they should, but not for the same reasons. Those in favor of a laissez-faire approach say can him because his policies are just wrong. Others don’t like his cozy relationship with Wall St. Still, others don’t like the secrecy. His fan base is dwindling rapidly and soon the Bailer-Outer-in-Chief will have to ask him to leave to “take on new challenges”.

It’s true that cabinet members serve at the pleasure of the President, but we might be better off if there wasn’t so much turnover from administration to administration. We’d certainly be much better off if cabinet members not only had the proper experience, but also the right mix of friends and adversaries.

Imagine it, a Treasury Secretary who did something other than rub elbows with the wingtips and remembered that he works for the people, not the corporations. We could even start with the no-brainer positions. How about a Labor secretary who was previously something other than a CEO – a labor representation, what a concept? Or, perhaps an EPA director who did something other than work as a lawyer for a strip mining company? And while we’re at it, let’s set some rules for how long key positions can remain open. Isn’t it a bit disingenuous to hold up a nominee for TSA head and then complain the confirmation is taking too long?

It’s time to start cleaning house and Geithner is a good starting point. Let’s just remember his successor should be a little more adversarial and a little less chummy with those who stand to benefit most.

Related articles


The Pope of Fox News Meets the Messiah of Golf


Posted by Omnipotent Poobah
THE GOLFING MESSIAH? - Brit Hume thinks the way to TYiger's redemption goes through the front door of the local Christian church. However, Tiger's choice seems to be through the local whorehouse.

THE GOLFING MESSIAH? - Brit Hume thinks the way to Tiger's redemption goes through the front door of the local Christian church. However, Tiger's choice seems to be through the local whorehouse.

Fox’s Big Giant Talking Head, Brit Hume, was criticized this week for offering life advice to Tiger Woods. Surely, Tiger could use some good advice (like staying away from nunneries), but Hume’s suggestion that Tiger have a “come to Jesus conversion” rankles many people. That seems slightly off base.

No matter how bone-headed you may personally think Hume’s idea is – and I count myself in that group – his saying it shouldn’t be a problem. The Constitution doesn’t deny freedom of speech to congenital idiots, even (or due directly to) using Faux News as their media of choice. Besides, of all the swill Fox has peddled over the years this is innocuous stuff. Hume pontificating about Christianity to the Fox audience is like preaching to the choir.

tigermessiahMany people objected to what the Humidor said because they perceived it as dissing other religions in favor of Christianity. That may be true, but it’s an opinion not unlike Muslims dissing Hume, so we’re talking angels dancing on the heads of tiny little crucifixes. Making it sound like Christianity has cornered the market on forgiveness and redemption may be misleading, but I suspect that Hume has only a cursory knowledge of other religions and is more ignorant than willful. Certainly, that issue affects all religions and atheists too. For the most part, you are what you know.

But, ponder this: If Tiger had any interest in leading a pious life would he be where he is now? My guess is that Tiger radically changing anything is nil. In fact, the carrot Hume put on the end of his stick simply plays into Tiger’s demons.

I’ve known quite a number of people who were, well, assholes for much of their life. They screwed as many of their common brethren as possible and laughed about it all the way to the bank, jail, or country club. However, come walk to the light time, they seize on Christianity’s Get Out of Hell provision like the last life jacket on the Andrea Doria. They see the light and they, along with many other believers, sing hallelujah. To be fair, some practitioners might see the ruse and argue that since the deathbed repentance may be virgin fluff sacrificed to a righteous God it doesn’t count. Off to eternal hellfire and damnation! It’s not good to poke God in the eye with a stick.

At the end of the day, Hume can say anything he wants. Even 48 inch, HD, flat-screens have off buttons. Tiger will still be able to take or turn down Hume’s advice as he sees fit. Approximately zero people will be affected by what Hume says or by Tiger’s actions. It’s really no one else’s business other than their own.

Now, can we go back on the mistress hunt? It’s just starting to get juicy.

Related Articles


Got Buyer’s Remorse?


Posted by Omnipotent Poobah
MAN OR MYTH - In the pantheon of presidents, Barack Obama will probably end up in the middle of the pack. Why? Because he's a middle of the roader.

MAN OR MYTH? - In the pantheon of presidents, Barack Obama will probably end up in the middle of the pack. Why? Because he's a middle of the roader.

This time last year the nation and much of the world was walking on clouds generated by the oratory of an Illinois Messiah. People thought they’d turned one of St. George of Mushmouth’s famous corners and discovered…Dub was gone.

Let fly the fireworks! Sing joy unto the heavens! Or not.

A year later many people who voted for President Care Bear are having buyer’s remorse or hating him simply because he isn’t dickier than The Big Dick.

For the liberals, he’s too conservative. For the conservatives he too liberal. Businesses hate him, except for the insurance industry, which owes their next 17 colossal quarterly bonuses to his malformed and poorly executed healthcare reform package.

The Buck Stops on the Resolute Desk
Anti-war supporters think he’s as big a war and fear merchant as the last crew, Nobel Peace Prize not withstanding. The “bomb ‘em till they glow” crowd thinks he’s a pantywaist, despite mostly following the same war-making plans his predecessor left stuffed in the top drawer of the Resolute desk.

And the Great American Middle says he’s OK on polling paper, but aren’t sure why. They’re just a bit dismayed that after a year the man hasn’t cleaned up the lifetime supply of turds left for him in the White House portico. They want it all to go away so they can brandish their remote controls in the privacy of their own soon-to-be foreclosed homes.

There was a faction of voters who punched the chad for him while holding their nose. The high-falutin’ oratory was a welcome respite from the cud-chewing Presidential Cowboy Hat , but they knew that trying to solve huge problems was going to take more than high-minded talk – especially with Mitch McConnell draped around his neck like a dead 8-year old albatross that’s been lying in the sun.

If you’re in this nose-holding posse, you knew enough to take “hope” and change” with a grain of salt. Kudos to you for your pragmatic foresight. If you bought into the whole new Renaissance era where there was free healthcare, jobs for all, and peace on Earth, you should check your closets for unicorns and Kenyan birth certificates.

Party of Nope, Get a Clue
If you’re a devotee of the Party of Nope, get a clue. The man isn’t a socialist. Hell, he’s not even a liberal. You can tell this because more often than not he follows the precedents  the Patron Saint of Village Idiots set. Stop complaining about your own policies and be happy you’re probably getting someone more conservative than Admiral McThusela would ever have been (and fess up, even you know in your heart that Sarah Palin is a goob).

It turns out Obama is a man – perhaps smarter than some, but definitely not as bright as others. He has, and will, do some good while he’s in office. He’ll screw the pooch too. Such is the way of politics and politicians. Despite Republican claims to the contrary, he’s not making sweeping changes to much of anything. In fact, he may be a bit too timid for his own good. And liberals, stop whining. You won’t always get what you want, but you’re better off than if George had over-stayed for a third turn.

Whether you have buyer’s remorse or feel fully vindicated in calling him a liberal, socialist, communist, fascist, Nazi (which are totally different concepts you knobs), he’s imperfect, not unlike those who abstained or voted for or against him.

Like him or not, he’s the card we’ve dealt ourselves and he’ll succeed or fail based on the limits of what a human can do.

And that’s all anyone can ask.

Related articles