TANKS FART THE MEMORIES - Balloon Dad finds his next reality show project...Cows From Space!
Bring on the Search Engines! Sex, Sex, Sex!
- Despite scientific theories to the contrary, the folks at Westboro Baptist insisted that homosexuality is a lifestyle choice.
- With her career in shambles, Carrie Prejean moved to Britain where she lost another beauty queen crown for not being neat and wiping the seat after tinkling on it.
- Damn, just when I finally found it, it turns out to be a myth. The wife’s not going to like that.
- Lorraine went on to pattern her career after Kathy Lee Gifford‘s by bragging about sex with her hubby Dick.
- Presenting the Official Drink of the Cast of the Vagina Monologues.
- Do you swallow? How about if it tastes like flan?
- It takes a perv to know a perv. And to make matters worse, the girl friend was involved with puppies.
- The State Department decided to name John Bolton ambassador to Walrusistan because of his, ahem, special talent.
- Why do these things always happen in the UK?
- Father Nickalaus said he was OK with the sex, just the noise.
- In her defense, she was hungry at the time.
Goobs Around the Globe
- There ought to be a certification process for approving parents.
- Assault with a deadly condiment.
- Wang found his job with the towing company was the perfect blend of hobby and career.
- Gay-bashing goobs go great with Lady Gaga.
- Picture this…
- Never a believer in Darwinism, Dwayne developed his own special brand of creationism.
- Bill thought he was in love until he came home one day to find Mary had been bitten by the same bug that got Spiderman.
- With her career in shambles, Carrie Prejean moved to Britain where she lost another beauty queen crown for not being neat after tinkling on the seat.
- After drinking more than 35 Moosehead beers, Raina wasn’t prepared for what happened next.
- There are some things that should require no instruction. On the other hand, there are some really stupid people out there.
- Several people showed up at the teabag rally after misreading the posters advertising the event.
- Sure, that’s pretty clever, but let’s see you make a spork.
- Oh my word, you mean that wasn’t a joke?
- Why is it that Buddha never appears in weird places?
- Before having the procedure, Roland’s owners consulted with Joan Rivers about it.
- And Americans can’t understand why the rest of the world hates them.
- Well, that will happen when you crap in them.
- OK, this whole Twilight thing is going too far.
- Damn that guy is like MacGyver.
- You’re getting sleepy. You’re getting sleepy. When I snap my fingers you will act like a narcoleptic.
- Dick was very romantic, just not in a good way.
- With her forecasts often wrong and slumping ratings, Marilee decided to do an Indian rain dance.
- Republicans complained that healthcare reform would result in care rationing similar to what they see in other socialist countries.
- “If you must fart, fart proudly.” — Benjamin Franklin, 1781
- Luckily, the Geico Gecko showed up in his F-16 in the nick of time to fight back.
- Clokey’s last words were, “Don’t get all bent out of shape about it, have a candy.”
- Not that it takes all that much to confuse men, mind you.
- For those of you living in snow country, a snow man that perfectly demonstrates your feelings about the blizzard.
The Lunacy That is Japan
- SURF’S UP! (Providing we can find the water).
- You gotta hand it to them, the Japanese know a big penis when they see one.
- Budget cuts in the Japanese air force could best be described as “draconian”.
- Do you have anything on the 18th floor with a view of the ocean?
- I’m not sure that Yoshihiro’s feminine wiles were up to the task.
- Couldn’t they just play Who Wants to be a Millionaire? like everyone else?
Krazy Krime
- Sure, a rose, is a rose, is a rose, but we’re talking USDA prime plumber’s crack here.
- Yikes! That’s gotta hurt.
- Isn’t it enough the TSA is going to start giving colonoscopies soon?
- Police apprehended the two girls, but released them after finding they were just saving up for a college education.
- Police arrested Ian Stafford, age 59, for buying materials to manufacture so-called “crotch bombs“.
Capitalism at It’s Finest…NOT!
- The deluxe package contains a tiny little suit and handsome pine box for the funeral.
- The TSA has banned a new product that could be used as a new method for hiding Skivvy Bomb. Authorities briefly detained Kim Kardashiam for questioning, but released her after determining she was not a threat.
- The package also comes with a 3-year old to provide lessons.
- You know you’re famous when you get your own action figure.
- Rumor has it all White House staff members must keep one loaded at their desks at all times.
- The US economy may be in bad shape, but we still tops in manufacturing Silly Putty® and ginormous baskets.
- It takes a real set of Neuticles® to buy this thing.
- Yeah, we don’t have an app for that…and we’re never going to!
- THROW OFF YOUR SHACKLES AND COMMIT SUICIDE!
- More Randomness (omnipotentpoobah.com)
- ACK!!! 2010 Brings An Unexpected Gift… My Jaw Dropped, bounced off my belly and made a clapping sound! Bless You Japan! (aintitcool.com)
- Japanese Complaints Choir, Video Game Edition (1up.com)
- More public insanity (robertg69.wordpress.com)
- The weird and wonderful world of the Japanese Washlet (telegraph.co.uk)
- Carrie Prejean Gave Larry King The Best 2 Minutes of Airtime He’s Ever Had (queerty.com)
- Like Father, Like Daughter (perezhilton.com)
- Lady GaGa’s Vagina Is Offended! (perezhilton.com)
- Celebrity Women with Winkies: Is Hollywood an Hermaphrodite paradise? (capetownalive.co.za)
- Watch Out Gagaloo! (perezhilton.com)
- 2009: The Year Of WTF (VIDEO) (huffingtonpost.com)
