Randomness: Big Crime Wave Style

January 30, 2010
Posted by Omnipotent Poobah

IT'S HOWDY DOODY TIME - Despite his successful early career, Howdy fell on hard times and ended up living on the streets. More>>

Book ‘Em Danno

In the middle of the gun fight, Fat Murphy pulled his dildo and fired!
When Jimmy saw the story on the news he figured it was only a matter of time.
Jorge may have been serving 13 life sentences for kidnapping and armed robbery, but he wasn’t a perv.
Put down the doughnut and step away from the car!
Police only have one suspect in the crime, a Delaware resident, Mr. Joe Biden.
Even though he was 38, Abel still believed in the Easter Bunny.
Slap my ass! Slap my ass!
I just KNEW there was a secret to why they always land on their feet.
Ladies and gentlemen, please turn off all portable electronic devices until we’ve reached our cruising altitude at the end of the street.
Some people considered Stephen to be a little slow at learning.
“Perverting the course of justice” seems like the right charge to me.
Have a heart. Gilligan just wanted the Skipper and Mary Anne to know he finally made it off the island.
Lynn was well-known as a strict disciplinarian.
After an initial experiment using Styrofoam peanuts, the good citizens of Somerville Road struck on just the right protective measures.
Kurt’s fetish started after Marge Simpson appeared in Playboy.
Officials charged David B. Hanna after discovering he didn’t have a carrying permit for small arms.

Robots, Robots, and More Robots

She’s the best girlfriend a young, virginal nerd could ever have.
Do androids really dream of electric sheep?

The Japanese Are the Super Race

In all fairness, she didn’t notice the woman because she was texting, applying makeup, and reading War and Peace in the original Russian at the time.

Imponderables

After questioning, police confirmed that Mr. Deo was not impersonating Mr. Dios and there would be no resurrection forthcoming.
Yeah, who didn’t see this coming – Snookie giving up the nookie.
In the southern hemisphere, they turn counterclockwise.
Wow! That’s some sexy shit!
Rocky XXI – Pumpin’ the Cheese.
With the state of the economy being what it is, it’s was a real accomplishment to land such a prestigious part-time job.
Verizon has the nation’s largest 3-Tree network.
He likes you, he really likes you!
Comcast may be buying NBC, but they aren’t getting a whole lot for their money.
What it looks like in Marilyn Manson’s backyard.
The Democrats have a donkey, the Republicans have an elephant, and the teabaggers have…
It was like a religious civil war, Westboro vs. Eastboro.
One out of a gazillion doctors recommends smoking to treat Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s disease.
As soon as the CEO discovered the problem, he gave himself a $6 billion bonus and left by private jet for his estate in France confident his was a job well done.
They can tell with certainty that gay marriage is illegal, but romance? This they can’t figure out?
The job pays well, but it lacks the potential for career growth.
Sure, it hurt like hell, but he vowed to play through the pain.
When they changed their name, they briefly considered calling it Modern Moose Knuckle.
SUNDAY, SUNDAY, SUNDAY! ACTION, ACTION, ACTION! It’s a battle royale, an etymological grudge match! McThusela vs. Snookie!
The crew over at Punked chortled madly when they played the prank on Rachel Ray.
Naked scanning was OK, but the anal cavity search was a bit too intrusive.
Awful offal ready to stuff again.
It was bad, but there were still lower levels of mercury than in Dasani.
Humans can be proud of their mastery of technology.
It could’ve been worse. It could’ve been his tongue.
The little prick has a little dick. Whutchu talkin’ ’bout Willis?
Guano-a-go-go! Next on Oprah!
Devoted WM fan, 48, looking for dominating Ticketmaster with a penchant for tailgating and amateur surgery.
Hey, he was just heading home for a chicken dinner and sex.
And the top ridiculous thing people believe…George W. Bush was a great President!
EXTRA! EXTRA! READ ALL ABOUT IT! Bouncing Boobs Banned in Brisbane!
Gye’s attempt to beat the high cost of a Bluetooth headset suddenly went awry.
Political analysts were fairly sure Laiacona had weathered worse sex charges against him during the campaign.
That’s some good shit man! Some really good shit!
Headline: McKenna Faces Chuck Frankenstein in Tough Runoff Election.
Announcing OllieAir Flight C-123 with service to Tehran, Washington, and Managua! This is a crowded flight, so make sure your small arms are stowed safely in the overhead bins or under the seat in front of you.

The Triumph of the Free Market

The phone battle is heating up between Apple and Google.
Yeah, we got an app for that.
Remember, apply them just before they put you in the clink for extra fun!
Required equipment for Tiger Woods’ caddy.
It’s just the app for when your reception is poor.
Don’t be fooled by the gangsta style. Tupac wouldn’t be caught dead in a pair of these ugly ass things.
The show was enough to give the techno-goobs a huge orgasm.
Sometimes I’m so ashamed of American culture.
All that stuff is really in there? No wonder it smells like ass.
Does the world really need another kitschy USB drive?
Has anyone else picked up on the smell of roast meat?

More Randomness (omnipotentpoobah.com)
Michelle Obama takes wrap off new hairdo (seattletimes.nwsource.com)
Comic Book Guy’s Rejoice: Marge Models For Playboy! (socialitelife.celebuzz.com)

A Fox Guarding a Hen House Being Guarded by a Fox Already in the Hen House

January 28, 2010
Posted by Omnipotent Poobah

CURIOUS CONUNDRUM - How do we prevent the unethical from being unethical?

The corporate world isn’t where most people go to find model of ethical behavior – not unless they’re marketing a new product made of lead and margarine called, “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Ethical”. For many corporations, pretty much anything is “ethical” provided it turns a profit. Still, a company has to really suck to stand out amongst their fellow gougers, cheats, and soulless greedheads.

The Swiss firm Covalence has ranked the 12 least ethical companies in the world. The diabolical dozen contains the usual crapulent corporations. Phillip Morris, Chevron, and Halliburton all made the list as you might expect. In fact, the only thing odd is how Covalence managed to pair it to only a dozen and resist squeezing in candidates that didn’t even rank – AIG comes to mind, for example.

Despite popular belief, corporations – like governments – aren’t inherently unethical. They are run by people though, many of whom are as unethical as they come. Unethical business and government leaders – sometimes embodied in the same person – seem drawn to graft and greed like junkie moths to a flame. They represent the dark side of humanity and are roundly and justifiably called out when they can’t regulate their behavior.

But that’s no reason for the humanitarian and philanthropic to get on their high horses. Humans are a lazy bunch preferring shortcuts to the hard work of the direct route. Sometimes unethical behavior starts small and gets big – in a hurry. And as bad as charlatans are, even the worst have small bits of humanity still buried in their defective characters. It’s not as if Bernie Madoff rolled out of bed one morning, rubbed his hands like Simon LeGree, and chortled at the thought of stealing the life savings of some poor widow from Rancho Cucamonga. For example, he donated money to several charitable causes. True, it was stolen, but it’s the thought that counts.

gotethics Anyone who believes unethical behavior can be legislated out of existence is smoking a pipe of conflagrated dreamweed. However, those who believe that lifting legal restrictions from proven unethical companies is taking a strong hit of heroin to boot.

The problem is, we’ve reached a point where the regulators are every bit as unethical as the regulatees. It’s like the fox guarding the hen house metaphor carried one step too far – the fox is guarding a hen house being guarded by a fox who is already in the hen house.

Our options to combat unethical behavior are few and the douchebags are many. As a country, we need to start regulating companies and the government so they become more ethical and serve the people rather than each other. We can only do this by withholding votes and sales from those who are the most unethical and who wouldn’t bat an eye at picking your pocket while you and everyone else is watching in slow motion on the Jumbotron.

But then, maybe I’m the one smoking the dreamweed and shooting the heroin – all while firing up the crackpipe for a long deep pull.

Entrepreneurial Code of Conduct: Take the Oath… (thenextweb.com)
Paying Big Bonuses Exposes Wall Street’s CEO Succession Failure (businessweek.com)
Earl Jones scared, may need protection, lawyer says (ctv.ca)
New book is out: “Shadow Elite”: Outsourcing Government, Losing Democracy (iflizwerequeen.com)
NoVo Foundation: Devoted to Saving Girls (unaskedadvice.wordpress.com)
U.S. Attorney Targets Corporate Crime (online.wsj.com)
AIG vs. Madoff clients: Who’s scamming whom? (dailyfinance.com)
Murray Hill PR Firm Plans (Satirical) Run For Maryland Congressional Seat (huffingtonpost.com)

Conservatives are Going Commie

January 27, 2010
Posted by Omnipotent Poobah

NEO-COMMIES? - The Repulicommies must be stopped in the name of Tailgunner Joe!

The American right has a problem with the concept that Nazism is an extreme right-wing position and communism is an extreme left one, often leading them to claim Obama is both. (Note to Wing Nuts: Man up, pick the correct epithet, and stick with it will ya?)

Given this confusion, it isn’t surprising the party of the elephant that forgets everything has apparently gone so far right it’s preferred policies are now simpatico with some well-known leftist countries.

For proof of this 379 degree ideological turn, consider this:

The godless commie mayor of Moscow agrees with Pat Robertson that holding a gay parade is a “satanic act“.
The equally godless Red Chinese agree, going all Mao on a Mr. Gay China Pagent’s ass – which begs the question whether Mao was a pitcher or catcher – but that’s another post. It must be odd for Westboro Baptist Church members and opponents of gay marriage to wake up with an opposite-sex commie hogging all the covers in their arrow-straight connubial beds.
And, it turns out the secret detentions and waterboarding so beloved by the American right are as left-leaning as the jailers at the former Soviet Union’s old Lubyanka Prison. St. Ronnie of Reagan must be turning in his Christians-only grave.
Espionage may be a non-ideological activity, but what if this rumor about the Landrieu phone bugging is true? All those worker’s paradises were real big on the whole “let’s tap as many phones as we can” thing, just like our former Puffinstuff-in-Chief and, distressingly, The Messiah™.

With conservatives embracing so many communist positions, I’m worried for my country. What’s next, Mitch McConnell coming out in support of healthcare reform? Michael Steele quiting the Republicans to lead the Wobblies? Sarah Palin changing her school-marm do? It makes me question their patriotism and I’m left with only one shocking question.

Conservatives, as budding communists why do you hate America so much?

DOSSIER: Illinois’ Gay Marriage Law a Ploy? … Delays By ELCA? … Straight Muslim’s Gay Movie Gig (queerty.com)
NIMBY to the Hateful (coming to Silicon Valley!) (svmoms.com)
Right-Wing Fearfest: Beck says ‘free speech is under attack,’ then Limbaugh tells him Obama brings ‘totalitarianism’ (crooksandliars.com)
Robert Boston: The Most Dangerous Man in America? (mikedelongsantafe.blogspot.com)
David Neiwert: Historians vs. Jonah Goldberg (huffingtonpost.com)
Pat Robertson: Gays want to destroy marriage (bilerico.com)
The Tim Tebow Super Bowl Ad: College Great Fumbles Before First Pro Snap (bleacherreport.com)
Cronkite, Communist (talkingpointsmemo.com)

He’s Gone

January 20, 2010
Posted by Omnipotent Poobah

Dad died 1/20 at 9:58 PM EST. It was peaceful and I was able to be with him at the end.

Thanks to everyone for your support. The family and I appreciate it.

I’ll Be Away

January 13, 2010
Posted by Omnipotent Poobah

My father is in the hospital and is not expected to live, so I’ll be away for a short time.

Stop back periodically, or if you’d prefer, drop the Poobah an email and I’ll let you know when I return.

Thanks,

The Management

The Omnipotent Poobah Speaks!

There is no such thing as a “sports hero”.

Monthly Archives: January 2010

Randomness: Big Crime Wave Style

A Fox Guarding a Hen House Being Guarded by a Fox Already in the Hen House

Conservatives are Going Commie

He’s Gone

I’ll Be Away