Jack Frost roasting on an open fire....Chestnuts nipping at your nose...

Naughty List

• Stop it or you’ll go extinct!
• Slap a Fap in it, it’s done! There’s also an iPhone app for that.
• Remember, what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.
• Oh Joe, say it ain’t so.
• There’s nothing better than watching a good TV show while eating Chinese.
• The choices are baffling, what a condomdrum.
• The “little blue pill” on steroids.
• If ya can’t beat ‘em, pay ‘em.
• Tabby woke up with a huge headache, wondering which alleys she’d visited last night.
• You scream, I scream, we all screamed for…..Grandma, what the hell?
• Apparently the old story about loaves and fishes needs to be updated.
• Tiger, Tiger, Tiger. What are we going to do with you?
• A Passion Play for the iPhone.
• A must-have app for today’s active single lifestyle.
• Hey, I wonder if this stuff is any good?
• Serving politicians since 2001.
• Rupert Murdoch is getting  jealous.
• I gotta hand it to those boys at Yahoo, they have much, much better developer days than Google.
• Thanks for shopping at Walmart. Merry Christmas!
• Watch out for the missus, she’s a crafty one she is.
• Everyone knows that Jesus says it isn’t sex if you’re all alone.
• Well, it did seem like an emergency at the time.
• If you sprinkle when you tinkle, please be neat and wipe the seat. Amen!
• Scientists have discovered the first known use of sex toys amongst lower primates – or maybe it was just a really slutty toad. It was hard to tell.
• Is that a sausage in your pocket or are you just glad to shop with me?
• They’re quite talented really. They hardly ever fall off the pole, even when the truck hits a stiff bump.
• Wet beaver offers anchorwoman a golden shower. Film at 11.
• WATCH OUT! HE’S GONNA BLOOOOOOOW!

Captain Kirk eats his Wheaties.

Nice List

• Salt & Peppa begin big comeback tour.
• Fellowship hour down at the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.
• Now with Kung Fu grip!
• Gloves aren’t just for Michael Jacks0n anymore.
• Thank God! Justice is done.
• Creepiness is next to nerdiness.
• Stupid, yes. But still inventive.
• Handmade? It looks like you made it with your feet. But we’re still mighty proud of you Emma.
• Jesus was the King of the Jews so his dog decided to horn in on the gig.
• Some called it conceit. Ashlee and Nick liked to call it self-confidence.
• Now, where have I put the tin of bull jizz?
• The Conservatives chose Michelle Bachmann as Miss November for their calendar when, clearly, Sarah Palin has the better legs.
• Unemployment numbers for Alaska are really low, and there’s a reason.
• Ummm, it has a nice “toasty” finish.
• When the urge to waffle strikes, forget about the IHOP and head for Waffle House, where dreams are made.
• Way more information about nail polish than I really need to know.

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