It Takes an Incompetent to Know an Incompetent Carly

It Takes an Incompetent to Know an Incompetent Carly September 17

Filed under Elections 2008, Crapweasels, Politics, Economics by Omnipotent Poobah | 0 comments

McCain campaign advisor and former Hewlett-Packard CEO, Carly Fiorina, is on a roll. Asked during an interview if Sarah Palin was qualified to run a large company she said “No”. Later in the day Carly offered, without being asked, the same opinion of her “boss” John McCain. Of course, she smoothed things over by adding that neither of them is running for CEO, as if making your self-set quarterly numbers and carrying off sacks of loot is somehow more difficult than running a nation - for a substantial pay cut to $400,000 plus free health care.

Many pundits expect Carly to disappear as a result of her impolitic remarks. It wouldn’t be the first time. There’s no doubt Fiorina was once the wunderkind of the financial world. She rose from a temporary secretary to Exalted Empress of Hewlett-Packard quickly and at a young age. Her meteoric rise came with some successes, but her last post went down in flames like McCain’s jet being shot down over Vietnam.

When she assumed the top job at HP, many questioned her readiness for the role in much the same way people are now questioning Sarah the Impaliner’s credentials as small town mayor of the United States of Wasilla. Like McPalin, she also considered herself a maverick and some in the business press agreed. And truth be told, she was a maverick, but not in a good way.

The HP Way
The first big thing she overturned at HP was a corporate culture based on something called the “HP Way”. The HP Way was so successful it’s often cited as a case study in business journals and MBA programs. The HP Way was a compact between HP management and it’s workers that promoted individual respect, teamwork, innovation, and actually paying attention to customers. It had served the company well. HP had never had a layoff before the Carlyator came around. But there was one more attribute to be destroyed.

Integrity.

As in many business and political venues, integrity was the first “needless” baggage chucked in favor of upper management bonuses funded by employees, customers, and stockholders rather than based on the same performance standards set for lowly employees. Carly and HP’s undoing was a huge merger with Compaq. A merger that sewed the seeds of open rebellion and illegal practices at the company.

Many business analysts thought the merger was ill-advised and questioned whether Carly could handle the integration of now-pissed HP employees and shaky Compaq drones. It was not a pretty sight. As the merger talks dragged on for months, the board split into factions. Behind the scenes accounts spoke of backstabbing, undermining, and shouting matches. Despite Fiorina’s much vaunted leadership skills, she was completely ineffective at bring the board in line.

Not that she didn’t try.

A Dirty Dick for the Dirty Laundry
Relations on the board worsened, finally culminating in leaks from a mole about the board’s dirty laundry. Fiorina hired a private investigator who illegally obtained confidential phone records to help identify the turncoat. The tactic worked, but not until after Fiorina was ousted as CEO and her temporary replacement continued the plan until it was publicly uncovered.

Because of her spectacular crash, Fiorina’s legacy will be forever linked with her failure at HP. Perhaps it was that dubious reputation that snagged the McPalin gig for her. McCain seems to have an affinity for dubiously qualified people. In the end, Fiorina’s swipes at McPalin may ironically be the most truthful statements of the campaign. She’s right in her assessment, neither of them could run a company. McCain and Palin are far too arrogant to make prudent business decisions and they display Fiorina’s bad habit of lying and screwing others in the service of over-reaching for what they crave against all odds. I know I certainly wouldn’t hire either of them as a CEO.

But then, I wouldn’t hire them as President and Vice President of the United States either.