The Omnipotent Poobah Speaks!

Get Smart - The poor guy consoled himself with a donut right after he got the news.

Police Woman, Monday’s, 10 O’clock  - There’s nothing like a well-equipped police force. (H/T to Illiterate Electorate)

Anything with ‘Jazz Hands‘ - Presumably, this guy was practicing for the day when cell phones are outlawed.

Spreading the Good Word -  In fairness, he thought he saw a vision reflecting off the lube. Does Westboro Baptist know about this guy?

Hey, That Looks Like My Wallet - Finder’s keepers, loser’s weepers.

Nectar of the Gods - I really don’t believe this. I think the GEICO gecko could drink him under the table.

Bagpipes Next?- Solving the important question of what a letter carrier wears under his kilt.

Blessed Are the Blind - I’d think looking at the image burned into some naan would have been less damaging. Instead, try the sink next time.

Eeeeeewwwwww! - Hey you meat heads! She’s crying because you have that crap stuck to her eyes. Duh!

Slippery Customers - There’s no word yet about any penis rage cases.

The Long Arm of the Law - Finally, the long arm of the law reaches out for the the toilet paper.

There are 50? - Where the hell is Paul Wolfowitz’s profile?

Um, Tender - “I’ll have the roasted husband, rare, with a baked potato and sour cream.”

Daaaave! - Dave’s not here maaan.”

Oh Yeah? Well F*ck You Man! - The original flip flop.

The Olympics for Dummies - Customers were confused and hilarity ensued.

Here’s DJ Honey From His New CD - All I can say is it’s a good thing these guys weren’t a swarm of those African gangsta bees.

Harsh Review - There are 8,000 nerve endings in the clitoris and this son of a bitch couldn’t find one of them.

Obligatory Japanese Item of the Week -  You’d think a country that can invent a toilet that automatically wipes your ass could come up with a handy gadget for this problem.

Obligatory Japanese Item of the Week, Part 2 - You can milk melons?

The Boy Scout Motto - Always be (over) prepared.

Surveying Their Domains - Argh! Damned domain squatters.

Don’t Make Such a Big Production of It - Historians find ancient video tape of hockey fans at the Roman Collesium.

Lady Marmalade - Oh my God, they’ve eaten Nicole Kidman!

Will I be Convicted Today - It’s time to consult the Magic 8-Ball.

There’s Footwear Confusion? - Never wear silver tennis shoes before Memorial Day.

Cockroach Porn?  - The story is still metamorphosing.

The Sport of Wings - The winner gets a nice dip in the batter pool and a sauna at 375 degrees for  45 minutes.

Environmentally Responsible - Finally, a sensible solution to global warming and oil dependence. This works too, but expect grass and hay prices to skyrocket. Tire prices too.

Bivalve STD’s - Remember oysters, always wear a condom.

Fun Fellowship - And after services, everyone got in to take a big bounce.

Pre-Columbian Dildoes - I don’t know what’s weirder, the fact they found these things or the fact someone has a college degree in this specialty area. (NSFW)

No Shit! - No, they really mean no shit. And in other shit-related news…

I See London, I See France - The plumber’s butt crack updated. There’s also equal time for the men-folk. (NSFW)

We Have a Spectacular Opportunity for You - Come to Sofia and we’ll give you a microwave oven absolutely free.

Lose 10 Lbs. in 10 Minutes - A few wind-sprints up and down these suckers might give you a heart attack.

Gimme the Whole Nine Yards - These dogs don’t hunt.

Dubya Dictionary - Websters is looking to hire George after he returns to private life.

Gun Gal - Introducing this year’s NRA Mom of the Year!  (NSFW)

The Poobah is a featured contributor at Bring It On!

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