Pat Robertson, God’s Chosen Weather Forecaster? January 11
Pat Robertson wants something more worldly to back up his claims that bad weather happens because of gay people - he’s contemplating buying the Weather Channel. Crazy Pat - who once claimed God unleashed hurricane Gloria to punish gays - plans to bid for Landmark Communications, owner of the Weather Channel and several daily newspapers.
There’s no surprise here. Religious organizations have run general circulation newspapers and magazines for years - from the well-respected Christian Science Monitor to the less well-respected Washington Times, owned by Sun Myung Moon’s Unification Church. Grandma News herself, White House journo Helen Thomas, promptly quit when Moon took over UPI. With newspapers dying at an alarming rate and communication ownership laws already weakened, more knotheads are sure to bid for their own personal mouthpieces.
One might expect Pat’s newspapers to be like his 700 Club “news” - weird little snippets of outright advertising for creationism, merging of church and state, and assassinating Hugo Chavez. Lord knows - if you’ll pardon the expression - what he’d do with to Weather Channel. Perhaps a daily Rapture forecast or a regular prayer segment to steer droughts, hurricanes, and tsunamis toward known homosexual areas? Take cover San Francisco, South Beach, and Palm Springs. What could be better? He could wipe out sexual scum and save the God-fearing folk from locust plagues and Noahrific floods. Bonus dude!
Pat once owned the Christian Broadcasting Network (CBN) - where Jim and Tammy Bakker got their start hosting a truly warped puppet show for kids. Several years ago, Pat sold the network off to Rupert Murdoch - who renamed it the Fox Family Channel (now run by Disney as the ABC Family Channel)- while extracting a pledge that Rupert continue to run the 700 Club as part of the network’s regular programming. Cash in hand, Pat bolstered his fledgling Regent University which promptly began turning out unqualified lawyers destined to become junior cronies in the Bush White House.
You know any game of Six Degrees of Separation involving Pat Robertson, Rupert Murdoch, Jim and Tammy Bakker, and the Chimp can’t be good.
The Virginian Pilot and Landmark’s other papers may end up being toast, but I have a hunch the Weather Channel may not change all that much. It’s a real moneymaker and if there’s anything Pat covets more than power, it’s money. Just ask the people who continue to will everything they own to the 700 Club or the laborers in his African diamond mines. For all his self-professed knowledge of the Bible, I think Pat may be confused about at least one passage, “Render unto Caesar that which is Caesar’s and unto God that which is God’s”.
Pat, if I was you, I’d take off that Roman helmet and get out of the God business. I expect The Big Guy isn’t happy and those thunderbolts up the ass hurt more than a taser.
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Matthew O’Keefe Jan 11
Holy crap this was a great post…LOL! I have not seen this kind of writing in years. Great job OP!
Dusty Jan 12
I wonder if Pat would have a problem with how the Weather Channel actually uses science and logic to explain natural weather phenomena..whereas Pat usually just says “God did it to smite someone or some group he doesn’t like”.
distributorcap Jan 12
pat would also get the landmark tv stations — one of which is in Las Vegas —- city of sin — can you imagine what he would say there…
i wish pat would join jerry falwell. this is one dangerous dude
great stuff OP