The Omnipotent Poobah Speaks!

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The French Foreign Legion doesn’t have a thing on those Blackwater Boys^TM. They’re in the enviable position of being war profiteers whose business model is, well, to directly fight actual wars. You know, cut out the middle man contractors like Boeing and Lockheed and go straight to the heart of the business.

Sure, their employees have committed an unpunished murder or two. Yeah, there was a Blackwaterer popped for downloading kiddie porn. And just last week, the Iraqis got miffed over a tiny little shoot-out that only killed 11 people. They tried using their sovereign power to send the Boys packing, but Condi turned on her 6-watt, gap-toothed smile and reminded Nuri Mal-Leakage that sovereignty is in the eye of the beholder. And don’tcha know, she and the Big Dub both wear glasses…thick ones…well, Coke bottles actually. So, after a single day of lockdown in the Zona Verde, the Blackwater Boys were back at it - albeit on a scaled down level - roaming about in Baghdad’s target-rich environment.

Nuri al Bootlicker
I think Mal-Leakage gave in when Condi offered to let him lick one of her dominatrix stiletto boots. Perhaps Nuri likes a taste of the lash as well.

They say any publicity is good publicity, but that might not be so true in B-Water’s case. Henry Waxman has asked founder, Erik Prince, to drop by for a little chat. Henry wants to know who formed a private army that operates at taxpayer expense, but isn’t subject to anyone’s oversight or laws. “One question that will be examined is whether the government’s heavy reliance on private security contractors is serving US interests in Iraq,” Waxy said. “Another question will be whether the specific conduct of your (Prince’s) company has advanced or impeded US efforts.”

But despite the bad press and like any good war profiteer, Prince is diversifying. Not satisfied with guarding Bush cronies and despots, he’s branching out. In addition to his 7,000 acre facility in North Carolina and an ever-expanding fleet of black Expeditions, Little Birds, and mercs by the gross, he’s now goin’ all navy and air-forcey on our ass.

In the Nay-vee, In the Nay-Vee
Joining what’s already the world’s best-stocked private arsenal will soon be 20 state-of-the art Tucano light-attack aircraft and a remotely piloted blimp for combat, coastal patrol, and port and border security. And don’t forget the armored personnel carrier they have under development. We wouldn’t want the mercs going to war with the armor our soldiers have instead of the armor B-Water can afford. I’m betting they have enough good-quality Kevlar body armor too. After all, you and I are paying for it and so are our well-supported troops…with their lives.

But now, B-Water’s forming their own navy. They’ve purchased a 153-foot ship, jammed with command and control labs, medical facilities, and a helicopter deck to guard those despots and cronies with a taste for the yachting life. Let’s see the French Foreign Legion top that!

America has seen Blackwater-type operations before - the English King’s army of Hessian mercenaries. Like Blackwater, they operated under the thinnest of regulations, laws, or military discipline. In fact, their mistreatment of the colonists resulted in some of the built-in, and quite useful, distrust the framers had for renegade occupying armies. That’s why they placed the power to wage war with the President and balanced it with oversight in the form of Congressional budget powers. There is no amendment for creating a private army on the side if you want to do something a little shady.

We Might Just Need the Second Amendment
Unfortunately, B-Water is another in a long, long line of insults the Crapweasel-in-Chief has visited on the Constitution. And because of those insults, he’s pissed a whole passel of people off - perhaps to the point that he may be feeling a little insecure himself. After all, there are still a few generals who have refused to join the junta. Maybe it’s a good thing the Second amendment is still intact.

With Blackwater determined to expand their SeAL (sea, air, land) heritage, we might just need it one day.

 

Update 1: Blackwater implicated in smuggling probe.

Update 2: Iraqi probe expands, reveals new shooting incidents.

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