The Omnipotent Poobah Speaks!

Rush Limpjaw and Bill O. had their tender egos hurt this week when The Media^TM pointed out the stupid things they said, respectively, about soldiers and black-owned restaurants. They’re certainly not alone in shooting the messenger. It’s an equal-opportunity hunt with plenty of ammunition for people on both sides of the Grand Canyon of Ideology. But the surprising thing about these enemies of Mercury is that they spout off about The Media^TM as though they weren’t part of it. I’d say anyone with a TV show, radio show, a slew of blogs, books, magazines, and tchotchke stands (backed by a huge communications conglomerate) qualifies as a Grade A Prime media member. Both men certainly fit the bill, but they somehow fail to see the irony of lambasting themselves.

Back when The Media^TM was called The Press^TM it was pretty clear who belonged to the elite club. If you wrote something and cajoled someone into rattling off a few copies, you were the media because paper was the only game in town.

Spewing Onto Ephemeral Paper
Eventually, a few readers and press owners decided that spewing onto ephemeral paper wasn’t quite fun enough - it’s hard to get a good screed going if you only type 20 wpm. So they recruited some prehistoric pundits to pit against one another. Once thrown in the ring, they put on a show as impressive as anything Michael Vick ever threw together.

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Woe be unto Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid if they’re cat owners. Their less than spectacular abilities in disciplining the cats in their party suggests that training real cats in similar fashion would result in an out-of-control pack of ferals with the run of the house and willing and able to crap on the canapes at the next fund-raising soiree.

Roughly two-thirds of the American public is against the war in Iraq. They voted PelosiCo into the majority to have something done about that. So far, all La Nance has been able to offer is hand-ringing about not having the votes and empty threats to hold the Carbuncle-in-Chief “accountable”, whatever the hell that means. And Harry? He just says, “Yeah. What she said.”

Certainly there are hard realities at work. We have a Dennis the Menace President leading a pack of craven ass-kissers who would frag their own grandmothers if given the command. And precisely because Dennis has spent his overly-long term menacing everything in sight, we’re left with no good answers - only choices between huge debacles.

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Having Your Pig and Eating it Too - We report, you decide.

Polly’s Dying for a Cracker - This is the saddest parrot story I’ve ever read. Not that I’ve read many, mind you.

Waiting for Larry Craig’s Slideshow - Can it be that far off?

Safe Sex, er Beer - No wonder the Soviet Union collapsed.

And It’s Such a Flexible Ingredient - I don’t know why anyone would buy this shit (no pun intended) when there’s so much of it free just laying around.

Mr. Whipple, Stop Squeezing the Iraqis! - Heres a little something for that mercenary who has everything.

A Different Kind of Sashimi - What’s with the wasabi?

Hugo Chavez: Soup Nazi - Show offs.

What’s This World Coming To? - Netherlands takes hard turn toward conservatism. Film at 11!

Porn Fantasy - Once you go black, you never go back.

Who Do You Think You Are? - It’s about time somebody took that guy to court.

This is Your Brain on Drums - I always said that Elle Macpherson was one talented lady.

A Sweet Deal - If you buy this, I’ve got a sweet little bridge in Brooklyn I’m trying to unload.

I Think I might Be… - Cap’n Dyke made me an honorary one, does that count?

Pie Eyed Hat - Is that thing a hat or a pie in the face?

Deadly Weapons - Apropos of nothing, I once interviewed this woman. Nice lady. Very jiggly.

Aw, George - Lookin’ hot, lookin’ hot!

Flat Earth Society - And we wonder where Bush supporters come from.

Dear John - Hell hath no fury like a significant other scorned.

Ahhh! The Smell of It - A new fragrance from Britney Spears. (NSFW)