What’s That Tapping We Hear?


 

Lady SnoopertyAt the risk of stating the obvious, George Bush is daft. Already in enough hot water to brew the world’s largest decaf, half-fat, light-foam latte, he’s brought up the topic of snooping again. Is it not enough that his sorry excuse for an Attorney General is being toasted like a marshmallow at an RNC camp out due partially to his involvement in a snooping case?

The administration has gone back to the well to expand FISA wiretapping powers. After a court challenge last year, Bush reluctantly agreed to abide by FISA, but now, he has “new” reasons for rewriting the law to his tastes. Reasons that are a reprise of previously rejected justifications. “Terrists use disposable cell phones and the internets to recruit operatives and plan attacks.”

Well, at least this time he’s actually asking Congress to rewrite the law rather than just taking it upon himself. It’s sad actions like this constitute an improvement in his performance.

Snoop First, Ask Permission Later
Bush has never satisfactorily explained why FISA’s “snoop first, report within 72 hours” rule is onerous. With his track record there is sufficient evidence to suspect he’s afraid court reviews might find his taps illegal if he reports them. Remember, he secretly tapped for two and a half years before his own DoJ determined it was clearly illegal in 2004.

The Gonzales Domino Investigation shows the AG is rather cool to FISA. After all, his involvement in the pitiful Ashcroft Affair - when he tried to strong-arm a bed-ridden Ashcroft into signing off on the program - that’s landed him in dutch for possibly perjuring himself to Congressional investigators. Yet this is the man Bush would have monitor and enforce what few rules left in a gutted FISA.

Hens, meet your guardian Mr. Fox.

Strapping on the Miner’s Lamp
Not content with merely listening in, Homeland Insecurity Skeleton Michael Chertoff is also calling for yet another “essential security measure” - data mining airline records to profile inbound airline passengers. Information will include names, itineraries, credit card information, race, political opinions, religious beliefs, and sexual orientation.

Sexual orientation? Are we now afraid legions of GLBT operatives will attack James Dobson’s church?

The Center of Democracy and Technology sees problems with a program that keeps the information on file for 15 years - apparently in case walker-bound senior terrorists plan to attack AARP headquarters. “This is part of a broader trend of the government building databases on the ordinary, lawful activities of ordinary, law-abiding citizens.” And, it adds one more location where already dubious, controversial, and frequently erroneous corporate data-mining uncovers heinous crimes like redeeming Cashback Rewards on your Discover card. But not to worry, CNN reports passengers can see the records and correct mistakes, “in hopefully just a few months.

Tell It to the Grannies
Tell that to the dozens of grannies, 7-year olds, and those unfortunate enough to have the last name Kennedy who’ve been placed on no-fly lists. And, it’s not like the administration has a sterling record on complying with FOIA requests either.

Bush would be well-advised to juggle the scandals and suckpits he’s already dug for himself. His own fear-mongering has made Americans dubious of anything that comes out of his mouth and he seems hell-bent on continuing that downward trajectory until his last day in power. It’s sad we can’t trust him with the most minor of policies without fear of them going south like an AG tossed off a cliff. It’s sad the DoJ is now an oxymoron. It’s sad he wants more and more data about our private lives when by his own admission he can’t process what he already has because he neglected to hire enough translators and information processors. It’s sad he chips away at our freedoms like a drunk hacking away at Washington’s nose on Mt. Rushmore.

It’s time for Congress to stand up and do the job they swore to do - protect the Constitution from all enemies, foreign, domestic, and yes, feckless Presidents. We’ve already given up enough to make the framers spin in their graves. It’s time to stop the erosion before they die a second death. It’s time for ordinary Americans to stand up and be counted too. It’s what we all agree to when we recite the Pledge of Allegiance.

Let’s not make it a hollow promise.

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Randomness: Really Long Style


 

Carrot Buggery

OUCH! - Personally, I have enough marks on my body without getting a tat, but this…this is just insane.

Jacques Cousteau in Drag - Jacques and J. Edgar used to dress up in these down at the local pool.

Dr. (Very) Strangelove - When you invent a “gay bomb” you have to expect treatment like this.

Snapplepedia - For those who just must know, another important source of information debuts on the internets.

After Which, 50 Cent Kicked Timberland’s Skinny White Ass - This would explain why these fellas are such chick magnets.

When Couch Potatoes are Allowed to Evolve - Now, if this thing could just grab a cold brewski and shit for them, they’d never had to leave the couch.

Mixing a Love for Guns and Jesus - It looks like Christians are gearing up for the end days with a little target practice. Apparently, they plan to fight their way to the front of the line when the time comes and be well-fed to boot.

From All Things Come i - An iPhone for Luddites.

Zamfir, Master of the “Tampan” Flute - Ladies, it may be that time of the month, but cheer up and listen to a little music.

Yet Another Technological Leap Forward - Blue Gal knows we love toilet gadgets as much as she loves panties. (H/T to Blue Gal)

Edgar Bergen and Charlie McBlowjob - Edgar Bergen first invented these things even if the Japanese claim they did. (H/T to C0y0te)

Secret Squirrel - You can’t keep the little bastards out of the bird feeder and now look.

The Deathmaker - They should ban those damn things before somebody gets hurt.

“Bring ‘em On” - Apparently, DHS has warehouses full of these things to supplement the Strategic Duct Tape and Plastic Reserve.

Death Becomes John Stossel - They rate him No. 46, but I’d say he’s in the Top 5, easy.

Holy Oso Bucco on a Stick - Another chapter in the continuing story of Cap’n Dyke Fights the Evil Walmarteers.

Boom Chicka Wah Waaaaah - And they aren’t the only harp virtuosos. Check this.

STOP THAT FRICKIN’ MUSIC! - It’s summer and the sounds of Turkey in the Straw fill the air…repeatedly. This is our tribute to Cow Hampshire.

Eat Your Heart Out Hillary - Hillary bought a pair for the Renfair, but the campaign was never quite the same again.

Damn You Sanrio! - If you must humiliate something, a cat seems as good a target as any.

Groovin’ Tunes - Yes, but do they do Freebird too?

OJ on Downers - I’m betting the boys back at the station are never going to let these guys forget this.

At Least They Were Quiet About It - Pool…water…abracadabera! David Copperfield has taken to the stealing pools.

Mitt’s Mutt Auditions for Underdog Role - Has Mitt heard about this?

Walkin’ on Water…Kinda - Hey, I’m omnipotent so this doesn’t seem so hard. It makes a great dessert too.

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Cloudy With Crapstorms in the Afternoon


 

Yesterday brought a veritable crapstorm of scandals and ineptitude from across the Bush administration. At this rate, we could assign a probe to each of the 535 members of Congress and the backlog would still look like the line waiting to get into the toilets at the frickin’ Super Bowl. Take some Pepto Bismol and take a look:

  • Amnesiac Al and the Incredible Changing Story - FBI honcho Robert Mueller joined others to directly contradict testimony from Amnesiac Al about the infamous Ashcroft Hospital Raid. Perjury charges float in the summertime air like butterflies of the devil.
  • Murder Most Foul? - Close on the heels of a 3-star General’s demotion and the disciplining of several lower echelon officers, new documents reveal Army medical examiners were extremely suspicious of 3 closely-spaced bullet holes - possibly fired from less than 10 yards away - in Pat Tillman’s forehead. Their requests for additional investigation were stymied several times. Tony Soprano, eat your heart out.
  • Astronauts More Blasted Than Their Rocket - NASA apparently allowed at least two drunken astronauts to go into space despite the concerns of fellow crew mates and NASA’s flight surgeon that they were astronauts in Lindsey Lohan disguise. Well, at least they weren’t two diaper-clad stalkers.
  • Greasy Palms - Government auditors uncovered an Army procurement officer who has taken up to $9.6 million in bribes and was waiting for an additional $5.4 million to come through. The Army Major must be the son Duke Cunningham never had.
  • Slaving Away - Two workers alleged human trafficking, and shoddy construction practices were rife at what will eventually be the US’ largest embassy. The State Department’s Inspector General conducted a “brief review”, and gee, didn’t find anything amiss. “At this time our reach does not extend to third-country hiring practices. I don’t believe I have the authority to enforce the laws of Sri Lanka, I really don’t,” the State Department’s IG said. He apparently doesn’t have the authority to enforce US laws either.

Bush apologists have already cranked up the Obfuscation Blame-Shifting Death Ray, but the number and size of the crapstorms threatens to overwhelm them. They’ve left half the political appointees in Washington twisting in the wind while the White House continues to claim testimony is a web of vicious partisan lies, things the Big Guy didn’t know, and simply fabrications of dozens of sick-minded witnesses out to get poor o’l George.

I’m not buying it. If Jon Stewart can do a daily 15 minute riff of videotaped lies and contradictions and the Bush cabal can’t see them using all the resources of the US government, I’d say George is either history’s most audacious liar or history’s biggest empty-headed loon. Either way, it is time for him and his minions of malfeasance to move on.

I once counseled against impeachment. I wanted to spare us the same Rancor-apaloozaTM we had last time. I figured things were bad, but not so bad we couldn’t wait the stupid bastards out. I’ve never been so wrong - and I’m omnipotent dammit! Days like yesterday, show just how wrong I was. I’ve since turned toward impeachment because I feel the country has already gone down the crapper and the evil bastards are sealing the toilet before we can escape. But now, I’m all for climbing back out of the shitty goo and biting all their asses viciously and repeatedly. And just to ice the cake, slamming the lid down on their tiny peckers until they bleed.

After all, I was always taught to put the seat down when I am done.

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