The Incompetent’s Incompetent

Font Size » Large | Small


It’s no secret the Bush administration prizes political patronage for “loyal Bushies” over anything else. All administrations dole out plum assignments, but Bush has stacked the entire government right down to the Assistant Postmaster in Hooterville, USA.

Bush’s nominee vetting is inept. He selects his junior Turd Blossoms based on their belief in God or willingness to walk through fire to protect his craven ass. He has the uncanny ability to select people who don’t have the faintest whiff of experience for their feather bed jobs. The result? They dig open pit mine-sized holes from which there is no escape save once again becoming lobbyists and CEOs.

At Least He’s Our Turd

Congress, especially the Republicans, only compounds the problem. Their approval rationale goes, “I think he’s a turd, but by God, he’s our turd and that’s good enough for me. Let’s vote!”

The dysfunctional selection process guarantees appointees selectively bred for failure. A Presidential staff, who never met a donor they didn’t like, submits nominees with no experience beyond the brownest nose and plushest lips ever to graze a Texas backside. Congress holds their nose and approves the nominee even when the nominee can’t identify the three branches of government, much less run one. When the nominees stumble into trouble, the Bush/Cheney/Rove troika give them their full, unqualified support…while handing them a bar of pig iron as a floatation device.

With a process like this, it’s amazing the country continues to stand. Every nook and cranny of our government is chock-a-block with people having the perception of a tree stump. They are so magnificently incompetent you might refer to them as incompetent’s incompetents.

The Incompetent’s Incompetent

Alberto Gonzales is the latest one. He, or whoever pulls his strings, stupidly decided to replace Federal prosecutors in a spectacularly ham-fisted way. He could’ve said, “It’s legal, we can hire and fire at will” and shut his mouth. Instead, he started a long slide down the slippery slope of a self-made dung heap. First, he justified the firings by explaining the sacked lawyers were sub par performers – except for that one he canned because Karl’s office boy in charge of BJs needed a job. When that didn’t fly, he blamed it all on his sub-incompetent consigliari. Shockingly, they balked, resigned, and spilled the beans to a now very interested Congress. Each of their conflicting statements was another shovelful of dirt from Al’s giant excavation. The fired prosecutors charged political interference with on-going investigations and records and notes contradicting Al’s testimony fell like a blizzard. The White House was involved, and then it wasn’t. He took full responsibility even though everyone except him and screwed something up. Al was living a hyped up through the looking glass existence.

Finally Al whimpered, “Hey boss, I need some help here.” George replied, “He has my unqualified support…by the way, what was his name again?”

Dick said, “Frankly, he’s an Al Qaeda agent and should be waterboarded.”

Karl tried out the delete feature on his email and five million keystrokes later said, “Oops, my bad“.

He’s Passing Through the Earth’s Crust

Meanwhile, Gonzo kept digging. He’s miles past the Earth’s crust now and well on his way to an inevitable meeting with the hot magma of truth.

People expect Bush’s cronies to be incompetent, but they expect them to be incompetent in the Dick Cheney, shoot a guy in the face way. It takes real incompetence to rise above such a pathetic field. But Al has done it.

He’s worse than Wolfowitz. Dumber than Rummy. Less stately than Condi and more incindiaryingly ill-fitting than John Bolton.

The Amnesiac Defense

Al has diminished himself with so many misleading statements, white lies, and giant whoppers he couldn’t get Barney to follow him to a plate of Snausages. An angry mob is calling for his testicles, his own cronies have turned against him, and he’s portrayed himself alternately as a liar and nitwit incapable of doing his job. His remaining defense is as an amnesiac.

“Mr. Gonzales, state your name for the record.”

“I’m sorry Senator, but I don’t remember my name. I’m afraid I wasn’t present at that birth and never read the birth certificate in question.”

Oh, if only I could get a case of amnesia. I don’t know how much longer I can put up with the present.


Give Us Some Choice Words