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When Artist’s Models Get All Pinocchio – Sure he’s wood, but he’s a real live boy!

Vroom, Vroom – The perfect car for that couch potato who has everything.

Cure for High Blood Pressure – Sure, it’s a drastic treatment – but hey, it works for him.

Boom, Boom, Chicka, Chicka – I’d like to see one of them on the striper pole at the club. Hmm, umm, seeeeeexeeeeee!

Eat Only Eats What He Kills – Somewhere, Ted Nugent is looking at this and smacking his lips.

Dance Craze Sweeps Navy – We hear the sailor dude from the Village People really digs these tunes.

Play Ball!Sing along brothers and sisters! It’s your country too!

Who Let the Dogs Out? – Who let the dogs drivewho, who, who-who?

Testosterone Fever – In which Nate learns to make himself tres sexy. If that advice doesn’t work, maybe this will help.

The Blue Screen of Death – Gerry Ford. James Brown. Bill Gates?

Upchucking a Fortune – Sure it’s vomit, but it’s WHALE vomit!

Tap, Tap, Tap, Tap – It’s better than a kazoo band I suppose.

Mysteries of the Universe Revealed – Some questions just may be best left unanswered.

Penguins Gone Wild – Sure, they dress well, but they’re true party animals.

Proposals Gone Flat – He just wants to shout his love out to the entire world. Buuuut

Stuck to a Pole – For Ralphie, Christmas is eternal.

The Dick Vinci Code – I smell blockbuster book/movie/TV deal coming on.

But Mom!Creepy kid time travels for kicks.

Take This Job and Shove It! Tools for those contemplating a career change.

Notable Quotes – “If you asked them to sodomize their own mother in a movie, they would do so, and they would do it with a smile on their face.”

The Loaves and Fishes – Give a man a fish and he will eat it, teach a man to fish and he’ll be on a perpetual crappie expedition down to the big pond in Crawford.

Well, That IS a Novel Approach – You’ll never take me coppers. Step back or I’ll sodomize the dog. Do you hear me! Huh? Do you?

Where Would Jesus Hide? – You know, we wouldn’t have this problem if he had the common decency to wear a striped shirt.

Give Us Some Choice Words