Does Rush Have a Shoe Fetish?

They say that when you can see a politician’s lips moving, he must be lying. The conservative talk radio corollary is, “If you see Rush Limbaugh’s lips moving, he must be saying something stupid.”

Rush’s latest bloviation is a dig at Parkinson’s sufferer Michael J. Fox. When a visibly shaking Fox cut a campaign commercial in support of stem cell research, Rush took to his EIB (Excellence in Bacon) Network to accuse Fox of chicanery.

“He is exaggerating the effects of the disease,” the drug-addled Doughboy solemnly intoned. “He’s moving all around and shaking and it’s purely an act. This is really shameless of Michael J. Fox. Either he didn’t take his medication or he’s acting.”

Given his own history, Rush should know a thing or two about the effects of medications on the human body. But, it’s a long way from OxyContin and falsely labeled Viagra to Parkinson’s meds.

Rush even professed inside information about his allegations. The Corpulent Carbuncle said he knew they were true because Fox claimed in an E! True Hollywood Story segment that he’d not taken them before his recent testimony before Congress on Parkinson’s and stem cell research.

E! True Hollywood Story? Rush, have you been hittin’ the OxyC again?

Drawing on his voluminous knowledge of the legal principle that you are innocent until proven guilty, Dillhole Dan ranted on, “Now people are telling me they have seen Michael J. Fox in interviews and he does appear the same way in the interviews as he does in this commercial. All right then, I stand corrected. So I will bigly, hugely admit that I was wrong, and I will apologize to Michael J. Fox, if I am wrong in characterizing his behavior on this commercial as an act.”

Yo! Dittohead Dickhead! Get a clue.

Several sources, including doctors familiar with Parkinson’s and the medications effects on victims, have said publicly that Fox was exaggerating nothing. In fact, some pointed out that the meds can actually increase tremors.

Is that the sound of crickets I hear over at The Rush Limbaugh Pain Clinic and Erectile Dysfunction Lab?

Here’s the point you’re missing you sanctimonious, drug-abusing prig. It doesn’t matter if he did stop his meds to appear sympathetic. Even without the tremors, he has a deadly disease that might be cured through stem cell research. Even you, in your overbearing ignorance admit that. He is also a United States citizen who is free to exercise his rights to campaign for his candidate of choice. And, he is willing to conduct that campaign with considerably more grace and class than that crazed cabal you run with.

It takes a mighty cynical, disingenuous, and hypocritical asshat to accuse Fox of, “allowing his illness to be exploited and in the process…shilling for a Democratic politician.”

Rush, get real.

You have never met a crackpot politician, raving lunatic fundamentalist, or Constitution-abusing President you didn’t pander to like a man with a foot fetish in a shoe store.

So Rush, step right this way. I think I have a nice little pair of open-toed pumps in size unbelievably huge you’ll just adore.

Let Us Count the Ways of Random

Because I Hate Bill O and I Can – Special holiday? Upcoming birthday? Just want to piss off a Bill O’Reilly fan? Here’s your chance.

Where is Your Evil Twin? – Of course, there are zero Omnipotent Poobahs in the database, but we’re a Diety so we don’t have a name twin. Take the test and find that long lost, rich relative you never knew about.

They Make My Orange Crate and Cardboard Box Look a Little Drab – As you sit in your cubicle, manacled to the chair and suffering from Vitamin C deficiencies from lack of sunlight, you can take a gander at these babies. You’ll feel sooo much better if you do.

And Now on the Home Shopping Network! – You knew it had to happen, and it has.

Sex Toy or Baby Toy, You Be the Judge – I know I mix them up sometimes. They’re both brightly colored, they’re soft and squishy…hey, come on, don’t say you don’t!

How Come Our Librarian Didn’t Look Like That? – Sure, it’s another search engine, but it’s notjust another search engine. Just to try her out, ask, “Are you a lesbian?” and repeat the question several times.

How Many Sailors Does It Take to Fire on a Cruise Ship – In a brilliant display of military might, Poland, one of the core members of the Coalition of the Inept, brought a German (oddly enough, yet another member) cruise ship to heel by firing a shot across der Deutsche ship’s bow. I hate it when a coalition falls apart like that.

Can It Pay for the Insurance Too? – One can never stop the march of technology, especially when it marches straight to the dumbest places. Behold the next must-have automotive gadget!

Can’t We All Get Along? – You’ve heard the legends. You’ve seen the movies. Now, see the real story of the Fightin’ 101st Keyboarders.

Hey! It Could Happen – You never know what can happen. I understand the Boy Scouts now offer a merit badge for this.

Steve Irwin Was Only the First VictimBeware the stingray.

Does Pat Robertson Know About This? – If only we could all be just like Norman.

Watch Out! You’ll Poke Someone’s Eye OutThis woman is clearly a staunch feminist…in much the same way Katherine “Tits To You” Harris is a feminist.

What Did He Not Say Now?

The Bush administration receives more than a little public scrutiny for how poorly they communicate. As a result, pundits have wondered aloud whether he’s “an idiot”, major media have pondered the “bubble” in which he seems to be hermetically sealed, and bloggers…well, let’s not even go there. To say he is aloof and poor-spoken is charitable in the extreme.

You’d think that by year six, he’d have learned a thing or two about communicating and its impact on the public’s perception of him.

You’d think, but you’d be wrong.

Our Malaprop-in-Chief is forever trying to change the definition of words, parse them with the penchant of Bill Clinton defining is, or just deny he ever said them – despite voluminous videotape footage to the contrary.

After three years of repeating the mantra, “stay the course”, he’s now denying he ever said it. He followed a similar course with connections between Iraq and Al Qaeda and a host of other topics. Other members of his administration – most notably The Big Dick, who still claims a connection between Al Qaeda and Iraq, and Donald Rumsfeld who is a veritable Noah Webster when it comes to redefining words and phrases – do the same.

The man obviously thinks the American public is as dim-witted as he – a proposition I’d say has some merit actually. Or, he’s simply so arrogant that he believes, “if the President says it, it must be true.” Either way, he Quixotically pursues his revision of English in the same single-minded fashion as an idiot savant with a language obsession. “Terror…t…e…r…r…o…r, terror” he mumbles like a real-life Rainman with a mouthful of cud.

His legacy will be less than impressive in most every way. Future generations will remember him as they pay off the debt he foisted on them. Aggrieved military families will reflect on the empty chairs at the Thanksgiving table. And, Constitutional scholars will marvel at his corrosive influence on the Bill of Rights – “what were those people thinking when they let him get away with that?”

At best, he’ll have a reputation commensurate with Dan “Mr. Potatoe-Head” Quayle, another of history’s walking malaprops. But there will be a difference between George and Dan. Quayle was simply a none-to-bright Veep, who despite his idiocy was in no position to do real and lasting harm. George, on the other hand, is in the preeminent position to muck up the works on a grand scale – a man gifted with the talent and vision to be one of history’s leading dunderheads.

Our only hope is that one day soon, he’ll amend his title from President to ex-President. I, for one, could get behind a revision like that and it can come none too soon.

It certainly would be nice to believe that a simple misspoken word could change the course of history for the better. Lord knows, plenty of other misspoken words have changed the world just as much – for the worse.