What Bill and Monica Taught Us

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After all the heinous things our Ventriloquist-in-Chief has apparently done, I really do wish he’d simply settled for a BJ from his Groupie-in-Chief, Harriet Meyers. After all, they impeached Slick Willy over Blowjobapalooza, how can we not impeach Dub?

Well, there are several reasons why. Tops on my list is that Big Dick, Little Denny the Menace, and about the next 15 morons in the line of Imperial Idiocy succession are as bad, if not worse, than the current Emperor of Dumb. In other words, be careful about advocating impeachment, you might get exactly what you ask for.

There are also other reasons to consider. Contrary to popular belief, they didn’t impeach the Comeback Kid because Monica ministered to his minion. Congress impeached him because he lied about it to a grand jury when he was embarrassed – understandably so after that whole cigar thing surfaced. Bill is a little slick, but he’s no Warren G. Harding who always forgot to have the hookers wipe their feet before getting beneath his big mahogany desk.

Impeachment is a traumatic thing for a nation. That’s why the founding fathers made it difficult. Otherwise, we’d swap governments every six months like the Italians. They envisioned smooth transitions of power from one administration to the next, not the wrenching, crashing, divisive train wreck of an impeachment.

Should Bill have used Monica for a humidor? Probably not, but that’s really none of our concern.

Should he have lied about it to the grand jury? Clearly not.

Should he have been impeached? Legally, yes. Practically? Heavens no! That’s what censures are for.

Republicans impeached him because they couldn’t get along with him and joined forces with an Independent Counsel with too much time, too much money, and too much modesty. Despite the hypocritical, high-handed calls for “the rule of law”, it was not much of the sort. You notice there isn’t much of a scramble amongst the Repubs to hold George to a rule of any kind, law or otherwise.

However, this is about Dub.

Did he do something against the law?

Well, the jury’s still out and yet to be lied to. We give him the benefit of the doubt, but there’s an awful lot of smoke in the White House kitchen and you know what they say about smoke vis-a-vis fire. So far, he’s not legally guilty of anything other than being a colossal boob, and last time I checked there’s no Constitutional amendment prohibiting boobs from holding office as long as they’re born in the US and over 35 years old – both criteria that Dubya sadly seems to satisfy.

Should we impeach him? No. There’s that whole practical thing we brought up earlier, but there’s also the country to consider.

An impeachment trial is the last thing we need with two wars (and a third coming), natural disasters, a crumbling economy, and assorted other apocalyptic events bubbling on the stove. It would distract Dub, and we all know how easily distracted he is. (OOOOO! Look, a bird!) As for distracting Congress, they can hardly keep campaign contributors straight now. This would drive them over the top.

However, the most important people to consider are we. We’re already they laughing stock of the world. We already have too many mistakes still in motion to take up more juggling. We’ll have to listen to more hubris and vitriol than any human could tolerate. Left and right are already at one another’s throats and don’t need any more goading from the peanut gallery. And in the end, they won’t impeach him anyway.

So, as much as it pains me to say it, I’m firmly in the censure camp. I hate that it would let him off the hook. I hate that the smugly grinning loon would escape responsibility. I hate that it’s a mere slap on the wrist. However, what I don’t want is to play old political contributor guy to Dub’s and Dick’s next quail hunt.

I never have liked being plugged with birdshot and I don’t think I’ll start now.

9 thoughts on “What Bill and Monica Taught Us

  1. I suppose hanging is out, too? Well, I’ll just have my fantasies. Why have impeachment as an option if we don’t use it when it is appropriate? I’d like to impeach most of congress as well and get a redo, but we are stuck with this greedy, blood spilling bunch of thugs until some new election regulations are in place.

  2. Sumo.
    Noodlehead? You’re giving him a lot of credit there aren’t you?

  3. It pains me also…but I agree we as a nation need to focus on more important pressing things than the fact that our Georgie is a complete noodlehead.

  4. Dusty,
    Even if Dicky gets caught in PlameGate, which I’m thinking is only a remote possibility, he won’t be gone. He’ll fight on until he’s fired his last shotgun shell.

    Sometimes you have to take a hit for the good of the country. I think this is one of those times.

    All is well, and thanks for saying so, but I think my countrymen are seriously stupid sometimes…but then, what country doesn’t feel that way I guess.

  5. Nice piece… Many valid points. I don’t think that you guys are the laughing stock of the world, G-Dub is though, sadly… Your government doesn’t represent the mindset and values of all (or even most) of the American people. You’s Americans are cooool as shit.

    Oh look a kitty…


    Hope all is well in poobah land.

  6. I agree, Poobah. It’s simply not a workable scenario, though it would be satisfying emotionally. I think the Democrats should do their best to seem like they’re above that (I know, it’s quite hard to imagine them “above” much of anything these days) and are more interested in pushing good legislation and well-chosen, well-financed, well-versed candidates in 2006.

    I honestly think that Bush is doing a good enough job bringing himself down. I don’t think we could wrest power from him by impeaching that we couldn’t wrest by censuring and moving right along.

    It is hard that “our guy” got impeached and “their guy” isn’t being impeached though. I think that’s a lot of the motivation.

    When the Republicans did it, they were just doing it to be nasty. I would rather the Democrats be focusing on important stuff, like keeping some egregious immigration bill from passing, dealing with gas prices, and thinking about healthcare.

  7. If we impeached him Tricky Dick would be in charge..e gads! Unless Dicky gets caught in PlameGate…

    But I still want the Shrub gone asap.Impeach isn’t even an option unless and until the Democraps get a majority this election season.