The wheels on the bus are com-ing off, com-ing off, com-ing off…the wheels on the bus are com-ing off, ev-er-y day. Maybe we’re just getting older. Maybe we have a touch of pre-Alzheimer’s. Maybe we’re just stuck in a rut. But can anything ELSE go wrong?
We’re bombarded daily with all manner of disaster, ruination, and just plain bad luck. Our politics are a crime ridden landscape where the leaders are either crooked or stupid or both. Groups of home-grown Taliban are trying to drag us screaming and kicking back into the 14th Century. There’s fire, flood, and war on every corner. The price of gasoline is up and the future of the Republic is down. We have to have the window motor in our Omnipotentmobile replaced to the tune of $700.
It seems the detritus of life in the early 21st Century is piling up faster than beer cans at a biker bar. Bad juju has become a powerful force that we can’t seem to overcome or make peace with. If we were religious, it would almost make us start to believe all that hokum about God smiting homos and liberals and flinging lightening bolts at the infidels to show us that we are nearing the end of our days.
Almost. We’re actually on a first name basis with God, Mohamed, and Buddha and they seem just as perplexed as us.
Sure, there are the little nuggets of hope. The Germans have developed a self-ordering beer mat, Paris Hilton seems to be in her 16th minute of fame, and Jessica Alba says she’d do nude scenes if the director and script were just right. But, those things are scant hope for a world facing problems of the magnitude we’ve seen recently.
Remember the days when things happened at a normal, copeable pace? A tragedy every few days or a scandal here and there instead of our now typical Katrina/Rita/crashing jet/tornado-in-Minneapolis kind of day. A person needs a few moments between Hindenburg crashes to catch their breath and ready themselves for the next scream. It’s no longer, “OH, THE HUMANITY!”. It’s “SONUVABITCH! WHAT NEXT?”
So the Poobah has a request. Send us a little good news. Something that will cheer us up. We need an omnipotent laugh, a beatific snicker, a nice piece of apple pie. Anything! We’re begging you. We don’t want to dissolve into a whimpering mass of formerly omnipotent jelly. We want to find something that will help us resist the impulse to smite something as those other, more famous deities, are apt to do.
Please. Make us laugh. We’ll even throw 72 virgins and a river of honey toward you as an incentive.