Salt.

It’s a simple product. You need it to live. It makes food taste better. And, Americans eat way too much of it.

New York may soon add salt to a growing list of prohibitions.  Busy legislators around the world are fighting trans fat, smoking, high fructose corn syrup, and dozens of other unhealthy foods and habits. And they mean business, the proposed New York salt fine is $1000 a pop.

When it comes to personal vices, America has mixed success trying to force people to be healthy or less sinful. It’s not as if the 18th Amendment was a rousing success.

Few would disagree that too much of a bad thing is, well, bad – but just as many don’t want their personal vices and behavior legislated regardless. They’d argue that as we legislate each prohibition American puritanism grows to claim many more personal freedoms. There is no specific Constitutional right to eat deep-fried Hostess Twinkies, but there isn’t a law that prohibits it either.

There are often arguments that thousands of lives will be saved if we ban a product. However, if there was an argument that legislation trumps common sense, these cases would represent real Death Panels in reverse. They are tantamount to the government telling people, “You WILL be healthy dammit and if you can’t, that’ll be $1000. Pay the clerk. Bailiff, next case please.”

There’s a valid argument that vices not only endanger the person practicing them, but also innocent people avoiding the dangers. For example, too much salt might send you to the hospital for heart surgery that your insurance company, government, other policyholders will have to cover. Secondhand smoke can be a killer, so children, restaurant patrons, and office workers deserve some protection from others’ lack of common sense. But, where’s the line?

Idiots will be idiots. You can’t stop them. For instance, how can smokers sue a tobacco company and claim they didn’t know coffin nails are dangerous? How can a drunken idiot leave a bar, wrap his slobbery ass around a tree and then sue the bartender who served the drinks?

So, here’s a plan. Don’t legislate the behavior, legislate the cost. We already do that with sky-high cigarette taxes. They lead many people to quit and as an extra bonus make money for cash-strapped states that can be used to mitigate increased health expsenses or secondhand smoke.

Hell, it may be time to add some vices. Legalize pot (medical or otherwise), legalize prostitution, legalize gambling – liqeour in the front, poker in the rear. They’re all certified money makers and none of them are anyone else’s business anyway.

Death to the salt Nazis!

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Tags: 18th amendment, Effects, Health, High-fructose corn syrup, Legislation, New York, prohibition, salt ban, Tobacco smoking

Naughty Bits

• A hypocritical homophobe who “sexts” shacks up with her boyfriend. I’M SHOCKED! SHOCKED I SAY!
• A fake, hypocritical homophobe speaks out. I’M SHOCKED! SHOCKED I SAY!
• So many boobs, so little time.
• Go Lizzy! Go Lizzy! Go LIZZIE!
• Nice brag! How ya gonna back it up?
• Clearly, Andy spends a little too much time at his computer.
• I hate it when women call it their Va-Jay-Jay, but they’re apparently OK with the word.
• Wouldja lookit the melons on her…YAAAAHHH!
• When Lucy watched the personal hygene movies in gym class, she always felt a little tingle.
• After breaking up with Chris Brown, Rihanna sometimes found her life lonely. Luckily, Bridget was there to cheer her up.
• After the first 199 times, Angela began to feel a little guilty.
• Terrance just couldn’t resist the heavenly feel of air blowing through his pages.
• Bill…Bill…let me go. I forgot the safe word. Bill…are you there Bill?
• After the operation, Jenny was amazed at how smooth the skin on her butt looked.

Daft Commercialism

• Personally, I make it a policy to never drink anything that can bite back.
• I’ve always wanted one of those giant Swiss Army Knives you see in stores, but ginormous tighty whiteys would be nice too.
• “We all drink in a yellow submarine, a yellow submarine, a yellow submarine. We all drink in a yellow…”
• There is expensive therapy in the future of kids getting these toys.
• Here’s incontrovertible proof that you can nail together any two things that have never been nailed together before and sell it. (George Carlin)
• WHOOP! WHOOP! STEP AWAY FROM THE BEER! STEP AWAY FROM THE BEER!
• We hear there’s talk of a merger between Universal Remote Control, LLP and MyCellmate, Co.
• Don’t laugh, Spencer Gifts built a kitschy global empire out of crap like this.

Klaatu Barada Nicktu

• Such craftsmanship. Such simplicity of design. It’s enough to make an android mother proud.
• AAAAFFFFFLLLLAAAACK!!
• So You Think You Can Dance the Robot is the sleeper hit of the television season.
• These gadgets may be handy, but they lack the bedside manner of Hawkeye or Trapper.
• Carnegie Mellon University is taking the world one step closer to a paradise populated by Rosie the Robots.

Jesus Critsto!

• For those times when a miracle needs just a little shove to get going.
• On some Sundays Pastor Dave felt just a tad uncomfortable with the sermon.
• Lydia always kept a Bible in her pocket, but a D-Cup worked just as well.
• How many times do I have to tell you? It’s not a doll, it’s an action figure!
• Domino’s changed pizza recipes, but until now they didn’t tell you how.
• Scientists have found a Jewish carpenter’s nail gun after 2000 years.
• So, it’s the old bait and switch gambit, eh?

There Are a Million Stories in the Naked City, These Are Four of Them

• Well, it WAS a surprise, if by “surprise” you mean cold-cocking him with a hammer.
• Mushrooms, huh? What tipped the cops off?
• Pinnacle Airlines, has introduced budget-priced airborne boxing matches for only $49 one way.
• They grow old ladies tough in Australia.

The Goobiest Things and People in the World

• It was just a small summer home down the road from the quarry.
• Politicians participating in political theatre? Who knew?!
• Apparently semi-literate wing nuts don’t know about spell check.
• Castration in retaliation for incontinence seems a bit harsh.
• Because there can never be enough ways to kill a Peep.
• LOOK! Up in the sky! It’s a bird! It’s a plane! It’s Oreckman!
• CAUTION: Hip cute overload ahead.
• If you can’t laugh at the Nazis, who can you laugh at?
• Sure it’s an odd hobby, but who are we to judge?

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• (en.wikipedia.org)

Tags: Action figure, Bible, Chris Brown, Christianity, Delta Connection, George Carlin, Pinnacle Airlines, Religion and Spirituality, Rihanna, Spencer Gifts, Swiss Army knife

You know you’re an asshat when Glenn Beck feels the need to apologize for your sorry ass.

Rep. Eric Massa (D-East Gayberstan) is at the center of one of those train wrecks in which the person caught doing something stupid tries to save himself by fanning the flames.

The facts of the Congress-o-loon’s fall from grace are straight forward enough, but the legs, pace, and complexities of the unraveling stories aren’t. Ostensibly, Massa allegedly tickled and made sexual advances toward staff members of the opposite marrying kind (H/T to Carrie Prejean and her marvelous language skills). It’s unclear if the “victims” consented or not.

But, consent doesn’t matter and neither did Larry King asking him if he was gay. If he yearns to slap and tickle a co-dude, then more power to him. That’s between him and the ticklee. It’s a common enough fetish, for both gays and straights.

At this point, had Massa simply said, “You know what, I’m stupid,” everything would have been OK. But instead, he chose to tell a story about fellow Dems forcing him out because he wanted to vote against healthcare reform. Dodging the spotlight by turning it on yourself is hardly a brilliant damage control strategy – but he plowed on like the Titanic.

He told the story. Then, he retracted it.

Then, he told it again.

Then, he retracted it again.

Rinse and repeat.

Beck had the misfortune to interview Massa somewhere about here. By this time the air was so thick with innuendo, conflicting stories, and untruths that even a master of subterfuge and obfuscation, like Beck, couldn’t make sense of it.

New stories are now surfacing that he participated similar recreational activities in the Navy and I’m sure there’ll be more edits and multiple retractions to that story. It’s as thin as Larry Craig’s infamous wide stance. Massa could say, “The sky is blue,” and no one would believe him now.

Massa has exceptionally poor critical thinking skills and a penchant to compensate with even more lackluster critical thinking skills. In short, he’s an imbecile and NY is well-shed of him. At this point, replacing Massa with Jim Bunning would be an improvement and I wouldn’t vote for him as Douchebag-in-Chief, despite his obvious world-class qualifications and experience.

Eric, for the love of God, shut up before you get yourself in more trouble.

Stop, drop, and roll will ya?

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Tags: Crapweasels, Critical thinking, Eric Massa, Glenn Beck, Jim Bunning, Larry Craig, Politics, sex fetish, tickle