The Omnipotent Poobah Speaks!

Bush: Not Just Another Father of the Bride May 12

Filed under Politics, War, Bush by Omnipotent Poobah | 3 comments

The Bush Family

Presidential progeny usually get a pass from the press when they’re young. No matter how you might feel about their parents, this is probably a good thing. Presidential kids have enough pressure on them without someone dogging their every move. Otherwise, the kind of 24×7 glare they’d suffer would be enough to warp anyone, much less a kid in the Bush family.

In their teens and early 20s, the Bush twins - Jenna and Not Jenna - did their share of stupid, although perfectly normal adolescent things. Jenna was picked up for underage drinking (I’ve always wondered what happened to the Secret Service agent on duty that night). At other times, pictures showed both twins sprawled drunkenly on the pavement or using their butt cracks as beer cup holders. Stupid actions, yes, but no stupider than many other kids that age. Without stupid kids, Florida’s tourism industry would collapse without Spring Break traffic and Girls Gone Wild producer Joseph Francis couldn’t pay his extensive legal bills.

Republican Cloth Coats Be Damned
Jenna, the blond one with Daddy’s unfortunate genetic smirk, was married over the weekend. The White House took great pains to keep the ceremony low-key, unlike, say, the Nixon girls who mounted full-scale coronations at the White House - respectable republican cloth coats be damned. I bear no ill-will against Jenna. I don’t know if she’s a good kid and besides, it’s not her fault she was fathered by such a boob. The wedding seemed to be standard fare for any girl who’s a member of a wealthy family and as long as Dad didn’t embezzle the money to pay for it, that’s fine. However, I would feel better if a GAO audit checked that.

I’m sure one of the reasons the ceremony was out of the public eye was to avoid the inevitable protests that would have sprung up. Instead of a nice, quiet wedding, Jenna would have begun married life to shouts of “NO MORE BUSH! NO MORE BUSH!” It’s true her Dad is one of history’s biggest crapweasels, but there’s no need to remind her of it. She probably already knows.

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Randomness: Methane Style May 10

Filed under Society, Randomness, Humor/Parody by Omnipotent Poobah | 3 comments

Benjamin Franklin Once Said… - “If you must fart, fart proudly.”

Operators Are Standing By - Order now and we’ll give you a lifetime supply of Depends absolutely free!

All Farts Great and Small - Tax the smelly and give the common cow a break.

Everyone Does It -Mary Kate and Ashley always seemed so lady-like.

The Surreal Life - Remember, politics makes strange bedfellows.

Ladies From the Planet Lesbos 132 - “Two deep space lesbians on an eternal search for female energy of the lesbionic kind.” Reeeeaaaallllyyyy now.

Let’s Give ‘Em a Broadside Me Boys! - Tis time to hoist sails and track the scurvy nits down, eh Cap’n?

Hell, We Might as Well - The Fourth Estate is in a pickle, so whatch gonna do? Pray!

A Half-Assed Job is a Job Well Done - I feel much safer with the TSA and the Department of Homeland Insecurity on the job.

Oh Sweet Jezus! - When will somebody lock him in a dark room with no windows. The kids are scared out of their wits.

We’re Just Here for the Nudity Ma’am - Drop your pants and come out with your pecker up.

Oooooo, That Feels Good - Try this while washing your hair with Herbal Essence and you’re sure to reach orgasm.

I Want That - Leonardo DiCaprio has a Prius. I’m rushing out to get one right away, because Leo knows his cars man.

The 2008 Honda Civic - The first car to run without fuel. It only has one little drawback - it’s noisy as hell.

TMI Alert! - A touching moment between father and daughter.

Woman, Go Buy That Lotto Ticket! - Of course winning will be about as likely as being struck by a…

Fire Up the Bass-o-Matic and Let’s Get This Party Started - Because you can never have too much good product placement.

Vacationland USA - Have a really explosive vacation this year.

Gunagra - Yet another reason why pharmaceutical company advertising is a really bad idea.

Shriveled Like a Prune - This is what happens when you take too long of a bath.

Going Green - The dogs are taking this whole green movement thing a little too seriously.

The Circle of Life - The turd doesn’t fall far from the tree.

Never Fuck With the Sousaphone Player - The first rule of band camp is never talk about band camp. The second rule of band camp is never talk about band camp. And the third rule of band camp is take that you little shit!

Oh, THIS Is a Good Idea - NOT! - Welcome to Earth, owned and operated by Google.

Damn the Polls! Full Speed Ahead - Maybe her parallels are really closer to him.

Art for Art’s Sake - Some statues of stature.

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The Bush-Clinton Parallel May 8

Filed under Politics by Omnipotent Poobah | 3 comments

History sometimes cycles through repeating patterns that aren’t easily noticeable. Political history - obfuscated as it is by partisan squabbling and self-interest - is a particularly difficult place to notice them. Sure, there are plenty of polls, records galore, and election results to ponder, but George and Hillary the Twins ideological differences tend to make us think of politicians in opposing parties as completely different from one another.

As hard as it is to see, and as appalled as both would be to hear it, George Bush and Hillary Clinton are two of those politicians who are so alike they’re almost the same. From their membership in privileged political dynasties to their ability to effortlessly divide constituencies, they become more and more alike as time goes on. Both have squandered political capital like shore-leave sailors spending money on cheap hookers and booze. Both have an affinity for scorched earth policies and little tolerance for those mere mortals who question them. Compromise and easy forthrightness are anathema to them and the day either of them admits a mistake is the day the planet will reverse direction.

But their quixotic pursuit of unattainable goals, regardless of the cost to others, is perhaps their single most noticeable parallel.

George chases a phantom peace in Iraq, so convinced that only he can see the one true victory that he’s willing to take his party, the country, and the rest of the world down with him. He’ll brook no compromise regardless of any pesky facts that get in the way and insists that one day historians will see him as a cowboy prophet whose memory is to be revered and genuflected to. He’s a man accustomed to an easy life that’s given him a sense of entitlement that produces a hubris-filled cloud so big it covers the whole of the western hemisphere.

On many issues - except perhaps staying in Iraq - the two of them look like polar opposites. But look closer. See how Hillary chases the nomination even while the country is steadily turning against her? Doesn’t that smack of the Bushonian belief that anything is fair as long as she gets what she wants? What about her willingness to fling poop when the odds stack against her? Or what about her belief that she’s winning even as she loses? Just as George sees his prize right around the next corner, Hillary predicts that each new primary will put her over the top so she’ll be able to attend her own coronation in 2009. If the two of them live in bubbles, they are bubbles that have conjoined.

It’s time for one of them to break out of the George Bush mold. Since George is, well, George, it looks like Hillary is the one to make the move. Of course, she has the right to conduct her campaign any way she chooses, no matter how destructive the rest of us believe it is. However, it would be nice if she considered the needs of the country instead of the needs of Hillary for once. She can continue to pitch money (much of it her own) down a rat hole and continue to anger everyone in sight, but the result will be much the same as it’s been for Bush - she’ll become a pariah responsible to ruining her party and possibly creating an opening where even a doofus like McCain can win. She’ll have so thoroughly pissed on every person who might otherwise have been her friend that the terrible thunder of karma will rain down on her in apocalyptic fashion. If I was her, karma is the thing I’d fear most.

After all, look what it’s done to George.

The Poobah is a featured contributor at Bring It On!